tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58297858771841459052024-03-05T19:20:05.677-05:00CrazyMamaChelleDocumenting my journey through life. This blog is all over the map. You never know what you are going to get as far as content goes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-47955200753292886082015-12-16T10:14:00.002-05:002015-12-16T10:14:57.513-05:00Realizing Who I Really Am<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #141823; line-height: 13.5pt;">This
"temporary" housecleaning thing looks like it may be morphing into a
full-blown business! I’ve gotten lots of appointments, some repeat clients, and
several potential long-term regular gigs! Friends have been encouraging me to
start my own business for a while, but I just wasn't ready. I am now. :)</span><span style="line-height: 13.5pt;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 13.5pt;">My experience with corporate/office jobs has been horrible. I'm not meant to
have a boss. I was constantly living in fear of disappointing others, and
feeling resentful for having to "do what I'm told" instead of using
my own brain. My last boss was downright emotionally abusive. I won't tolerate that! That's just not how I roll!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #141823; line-height: 13.5pt;"><br /></span><span style="line-height: 13.5pt;">I spent a decade honing my homemaking skills and now the demand on those
skills is much, much lower than it used to be. My kids are older now, most are
in school, they’re only with me half-time, and they are happy and helpful when they are around. My house is tiny and the clutter level is at an all-time low, so cleaning/upkeep is a joke compared to the past. And if this doesn’t make the
point nothing will: I used to do 10-12 loads of laundry per week. Now I do 2-3. Yes, it's that different. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 13.5pt;">So these days I'm loose in a world where you typically have to have a "real job" with a regular paycheck in order to survive. Well? No. I have been thinking a lot about my life lately since quitting my god-awful office job, and </span><span style="line-height: 18px;">I've</span><span style="line-height: 13.5pt;"> decided that I have to take matters into my own hands. I don't have a
degree to have a "legit" career in helping others, but I know a lot about a lot, and they ARE things that can earn me
money. I enjoy doing what I'm good at, and "blessing" others with my
talents brings me joy. So i'm gonna do it! I have been working toward this for
years, really. I have notebooks full of ideas. I have taken some preliminary
steps but never took them to the next level. And I have TONS of
supplies.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #141823;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I enjoy cleaning. It
brings me satisfaction on several levels. When I was working deep-cleaning
vacated apartments this summer, my mom asked me if I liked my job (because
being a “maid” is so below my intelligence level). I told her I loved
it; I was getting paid to exercise, listen to music and sing, and meditate
(with the rhythmic nature of cleaning)…and then I had beautiful results to show
for it! I am very good at cleaning, and I even learned some new tricks working
as a professional! I am also good at organizing (love my label maker, haha!), purging (like walking people
through the psychological process and offering objective insight), mending,
dishes, laundry…years and years of experience (and high standards), insight I have gained, and lessons I
have learned the hard way over the past several years have brought me to the
next level in these areas. I want to bless people’s homes and families!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #141823;">I love to make
things, and I'm good at it. A long time ago I opened an Etsy store to sell my green/natural
handmade toys and baby/household items, but I never once posted anything for
sale. I also made a facebook page to launch myself in the local small
business scene. But my life was too busy, exhausting, and chaotic. It was just
a dream that never came into fruition. I want to make magic with my hands and
be able to bring joy to others.</span> And this kind of work can be done
when my kids are around and I can squeeze it in or make it family crafting time
(which they LOVE).<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #141823;">I love to write. I have so many articles and even whole entire books in my head, just waiting to
be put onto paper. I've been journaling and writing stories since I was able to
do so, and I have a box full of every single journal/diary I've ever had. I have 5 blogs and participated in a collaborative one several years ago. We are all Moms of Many and it became overwhelming for us and petered out, but we got
a decent amount of publicity while it lasted. Brigit’s birth story alone has had thousands of
views just on my personal blogs. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I’ve wanted to be a published author since I was a little
girl, but that always got pushed to the back burner for two reasons: I’ve
considered it to be a “starving artist” type of career that was not a stable
choice, and (most importantly) I have a serious fear of letting people read
some of the things I want to write about. Fear of criticism, judgment, and even
attacks by those people I may write about (I totally see being sued by my ex or
his parents for libel…even though it’s all true). Anyway, now I am finally
willing to explore this as a supplementary career choice. I am reading up on how to get
started as a freelance writer so that I can gain encouragement and inspiration. I
told Man Friend last night: my goal is to have a book published by the time I’m
40. that gives me a little over 6 years. :P<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #141823;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So. Now that I have
been a single mom and the sole breadwinner for a while and tried several
things, I am finally coming to terms with who I’m really meant to be. I am not
meant to be tamed. I can work for myself and do things that I enjoy, and pay my
bills with hopefully some leftover and enough to save for the future. Such a
variety of work and it never gets boring! I can make my own hours and work
around my custody schedule with my kids so that I can still be present for them
like I was when I was a SAHM. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #141823;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So I guess I’m
about to launch two businesses. One for cleaning and one for handmade items. The freelance
writing will be a background project until I figure out where I’m going with
it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #141823;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The future is bright!</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-91787520566069249372014-07-11T10:41:00.000-04:002015-12-16T10:33:21.101-05:00trauma vs. romance<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
i am in the weirdest place right now. stuck between the emotions regarding my estranged husband's suicide attempt and the emotions of a wonderful budding romance that has survived it. anger and sadness combined with heart-melting elation? so confusing. and i am being ridiculed from all angles for being "happy" right now. for being concerned about how this drama could affect this new flirtationship that is so precious to me. for not getting rid of the chair drew shot himself in. shame on me for remaining on my onward/upward track? i have never been so happy in my life as i have been since the minute drew walked out the door, new man friend or not. suicide attempt or not. does that make me a terrible, heartless person?</div>
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i am angry at drew for being so selfish and pulling such a dick move as to try to kill himself in a place where his children would most likely have been the ones to find him. for traumatizing me. i will never, ever forget the surreal sight of the hole in his chest. the ragged, torn shirt, the blood on my hand. the horrified scream-wail i let out. the hateful look on his face as he looked at me and said "i loved you." watching his eyes close as he lost consciousness. the moment i accepted that he was going to die in my arms. the moans he let out as his lung filled with blood. the spent bullet on the floor. the circle of blood on the chair. the sight of him in a coma. the first words he uttered as he came out of sedation ("i want. the glock.").</div>
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i am angry at him for traumatizing kieran (who still refuses to talk about it and just says "sometimes you just need to be sad for a while"). for destroying our children's innocence. for being the reason my 3 year old said yesterday "my daddy's in the hospital. he's getting better. he shoots hisself." for not getting the help that dozens of people were encouraging him to get. for being the reason that those same dozens of people are now blaming me for all of this because i broke his heart and abandoned him -- no one cares to hear that i tried to help him for years, and that as he spiraled downward and was not receptive to my relentless attempts to help him, he dragged the whole family down with him and i finally HAD to end the marriage for everyone else's sake. that was not a decision that came lightly.</div>
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i have been torn apart by a bunch of people i don't even know, and that was fine until one person i really really love finally turned against me. that made me cry. a lot. and now i just fucking HATE drew for it. i refuse to do anything else for him anymore, the thought of being in the same building makes me sick. he refuses to apologize for traumatizing me (and kieran) and still maintains that him dying would be the best thing for all of us, because "they'll be fine and you'll be free." selfish son of a bitch. i won't even take the kids to see him -- his parents have to do that because i just might punch him in his fucking face.</div>
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my sister is crying that i am not being compassionate enough to my loved ones, that i am not sad enough and that is wrong. wtf? i was there. i had my hysteria in the actual moment. i dealt with this man's bullshit for over a decade. his narcissistic pity parties became wolf-cries long ago. i stayed with him long after the marriage died (7 fucking years ago; the night he strangled me) because i KNEW that his fucked up self would not deal well with me leaving. his suicide attempt was not unexpected. i tried to stop him. divine intervention woke me up that night, and i spent 30 minutes trying to talk his drunk ass of the ledge before i realized that it was futile and called 911. then i saved his life by holding pressure on the wound, which slowed the internal bleeding enough for him to make it to surgery (and he still ended up with 3 transfusions). yet so many people still believe that i don't love him or care about him at all. these people don't understand love, and they definitely don't understand mental illness.</div>
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people are so fucking concerned about my children. they are fine. they don't even really understand what happened. i took them to crisis counseling. people are ridiculing me for disappearing for 2 days right after it happened and "pawning" my kids off on others. they were with loving friends who fed them, entertained them, loved them. I WAS IN NO CONDITION TO CARE FOR ANYONE ELSE. why can't people understand this? yes, it was my new man friend who took care of me. why is that so inappropriate? it's not like it was a romantic vacation. it was an amazing act of compassion on his part. he made me eat, cuddled me, even stayed in town for one more night when he was supposed to go out of town for a work emergency. i fielded over 100 phone calls in 48 hours, not to mention the dozens of texts and PMs. sitting vigil at drew's bedside while he was critical and then as they attempted to bring him out of sedation. dealing with next-of-kin duties. it was fucking exhausting. had i been in charge of my children, they would not have gotten any attention from me anyway. i made sure they were safe and taken care of by loving friends that i trust and they like when i was unable to function enough to care for them. is that not me being a good mom?</div>
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i've lost 12 lbs in a month, which puts me 2 lbs *below* my goal weight. i haven't weighed this little in 11 years (4 babies ago!). i'm really not complaining -- in fact, it makes me think i could actually get back down to my 19 year old pre-baby weight (only 6 more lbs), and i have no desire to stop this pattern because i am liking the results. my new man thinks i'm sexy as hell and for some reason that makes me want to lose more weight (??).</div>
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i don't have a history of eating disorders or anything. i just have no appetite. at first it was from the excitement of dating this amazing new guy, then stress from dealing with a severely mentally ill ex and processing the trauma i experienced the night he shot himself. i eat only when i'm shaky from low blood sugar. yesterday all i ate was a handful of crackers with about 1/2 C of chicken salad, and then later, half an avocado. i'm quite certain that i have become vitamin deficient, but cannot bear the thought of taking a multivitamin on a perpetually empty stomach, because that will make me feel sick. i guess i'm just waiting for this to pass...</div>
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whew. just had to get that shit off my chest.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-48444241863372407432014-02-04T23:35:00.001-05:002014-02-04T23:39:24.462-05:00tangential musings on my ever-unfolding new normal<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I see the picnic blanket by the front door and it reminds me
of a time when my life was simpler, happier, carefree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, that sounds awfully utopian.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not, really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just compared to now, it was definitely those
things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see that blanket and I am
reminded of lazy afternoons at the gardens, the weather in the 70’s and breezy –
paradise -- while the kids romp in nature and the mamas lay around chatting and basking in the sunshine on said
blanket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The buffet of snacks is
intermittently being raided by hungry children, taking a small break from their
rumpus to refuel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thinking of that buffet of snacks brings to mind a fact that
I have been in denial of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since my
children started school and are eating 10 meals a week there, they have lost
their appetites for some of what used to be staple foods in our diet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They still love raw veggies, all kinds of
fruit, and boiled eggs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they have
lost their appetite for most nuts and seeds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That seems like a ridiculous thing for me to be stuck on, but yet I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess it’s because in my attempt to steer
our family toward a healthier/whole foods diet, I value nuts and seeds as a
convenient, portable snack that meets the craving for crunchy, and maybe salty,
and provides protein and fat, which are great fuel in a small package.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So now, they want chips and crackers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What the hell are they feeding them at
school??<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, I already knew that the
menus at school are sub-par to my own preferences for my children, but I force
myself to turn a blind eye because financially, we need them to be eating 10
meals a week there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That, and I just cannot
be bothered to pack 3-4 lunches per weeknight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It would just be one more thing on my never-ending to-do list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I barely manage to prep the coffee maker the
night before, which is something I need to do because for some reason, I cannot
bear the thought of getting out of bed in the morning unless I can smell fresh
coffee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Weird? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a name for my daily struggle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sleep Inertia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like, that’s a clinical term.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ran across it while researching child
mental health a while back and I had a bit of an epiphany.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bipolar people often have extreme difficulty
waking up in the morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I am woken
suddenly, my heart pounds and I shake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Side
effect of a medication?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really have no idea why it takes me so long
to get moving in the morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I swear I have
to lay in bed for like an hour before I can muster the strength to get out of
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I don’t believe it is a
depression thing, although some may say that I have been in a perpetual state
of varying degrees of depression for most of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Except
when I’m manic, of course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well,
hypomanic, as my meds allow. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slightly different
monster, but most people don’t know the difference so I just say manic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s shorter too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Less syllables.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So. The theory behind Sleep Inertia is,
obviously, that my body does not come out of sleep state as easily as the
average person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It literally takes me
hours to feel truly awake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Drinking lots
of coffee when I’m very sleep deprived does not do much more than make me jittery
and weak, and sometimes even makes me feel even MORE incapacitated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Weird again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Random tangent over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back to the picnic blanket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Playdates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Socializing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Group meetups.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are all in the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last year turned my world upside down, and
while some things have calmed down, my life is so very different than it used
to be, and I know I will never get back to the way it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My baby isn’t a baby anymore, and I will
never have another baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m okay with that
part, and there is a tremendous feeling of freedom to know that we are out of
babyland forever and can finally start living in a way we have been unable to
do for the past 10 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it’s
bittersweet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of my local friends are in
the early stages of motherhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have
one, maybe two children, none of which are school age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or they ARE school age, and our paths have
parted due to normal life circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And that’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like
graduating from high school and going our separate ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not personal, it’s just life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Point is, I feel a little lonely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On one hand, the introvert in me can finally
breathe and nurture its need for me to get plenty of alone time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not handle chaos well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really freaks me out and I yell and throw
tantrums (sort of).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not pretty, and
it’s definitely not who I desire to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> (At least I'm mindful of it?) </span>So
now the kids are in school, Robby has been shipped off to a “boarding school”
for troubled kids, and the 3 year old is now officially addicted to TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I let her get that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I feel like I’m an unfit mother. Not
because my 3 y/o watches too much TV (I’m sure there are many kids out there
who watch more, and with much worse content), but because I am enabling her addiction
just so she’ll leave me alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel
guilt about that, but part of me is selfishly attempting to take care of my own
needs first, and what I need is to be left alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the other hand, for lack of fostering more than one or
two close friendships in my new life (new as in in the past 5-6 years, since I hooked
up with the AP crowd), I do feel alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Schedules
make it difficult to meet up with people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everyone’s life circumstances are constantly changing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A new job here, a divorce there, a far away
move thrown in for good measure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> But </span>now,
because of my son’s facility placement, I get to regularly visit with some dear,
dear friends that I have lost touch with over the past few years for various
reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel I can be ME around
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is what I define as a close
friendship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We may have our differences,
but we speak of them gently or not at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We mesh well in
enough other ways that those other things don’t matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am starting to feel like I’m getting the old me back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone who has been suppressed for years as I
have tried to transform myself into someone I so desperately want to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If there is one thing that my various
experiences over the past 3 years or so have taught me, it’s to stop giving a
damn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do what works for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Compromise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There is no such thing as perfection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let some things go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those who
mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I am healing. Long road. Long journey. Neverending. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have lost my train of thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll close now since my back is hurting from
this typing posture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wah.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-8885428420438422992014-01-04T10:14:00.001-05:002014-01-12T12:01:50.715-05:00time-in and time-out: what's the difference, and is it really a punishment? my biased opinion <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">THIS ARTICLE </span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.ourmuddyboots.com/why-i-do-not-use-time-out-or-time-in-and-what-i-do-instead/">http://www.ourmuddyboots.com/why-i-do-not-use-time-out-or-time-in-and-what-i-do-instead/</a> </span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">STRUCK A NERVE IN ME</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">not trying to stir the pot or be a kill-joy or offend anyone or anything, but the author's oldest child is 5. and she only has 2 of them. and i imagine her 5 year old doesn't have rampant ADHD which seriously impedes impulse control. time-in can be VERY useful in situations like that. it reconnects parent/child and helps to ground the child's excess energy. and on that note, it is fairly easy to redirect a 1-3 year old, to stop and fill their loving cup (which imo is the goal of time-in, as it includes loving physical contact and compassionate discussion). <br>as for time-out, i hope for her sake that she never has a violent, defiant older child who needs to be physically isolated for the safety of the rest of the family while s/he calms down and is ready to connect with a parent and talk about what happened. </span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br>i know my family is unique (as all families are) but it irritates me when self-righteous authors publish articles like this which can cause guilt in insecure parents who are doing what works for their family because it implies that they're dOiN iT RoNg, especially when they have extenuating circumstances involved. her blanket labeling of these practices as "punishment" is shaming to such parents, without even addressing compassionate hybrid techniques. because those DO exist. i do everything she describes. and i wonder, how exactly is she keeping them right there in front of her while they have this discussion? is she putting her hands on them in any way? hugging them? holding them in her lap? that is the very definition of time-in. we don't even use timers for time in OR time out. with time-out i allow them to self-regulate, and usually they are ready to talk long after the popular "one minute per year of age" time-frame is up.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br>i predict that, regardless of how her children's personalities develop, this author will eat her words in about 5 years, as sooo many other parents of young children do. college education be damned, there is nothing like experiencing it first-hand, 24/7. </span></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br>that is all.</span></span><br>
<br>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> #rambling #soapbox #touchysubject #overanalyzing #justignoreme #notenoughcoffee #kidsbeingassholesthismorning #feelingbitter #nevermind #carryon :P</span></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[5fkte].[1][3][1]{comment10104601825716191_36753533}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[5fkte].[1][3][1]{comment10104601825716191_36753533}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[5fkte].[1][3][1]{comment10104601825716191_36753533}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[5fkte].[1][3][1]{comment10104601825716191_36753533}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a class="_58cn" data-reactid=".r[5fkte].[1][3][1]{comment10104601825716191_36753533}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[28]" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/carryon"><span class="_58cm" data-reactid=".r[5fkte].[1][3][1]{comment10104601825716191_36753533}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[28].[1]"></span></a></span></span><span data-reactid=".r[5fkte].[1][3][1]{comment10104601825716191_36753533}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[29]"> <span class="emoticon emoticon_tongue" title=":P"></span></span></span></span></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-44235148514522721962013-12-02T13:00:00.002-05:002014-01-04T10:16:50.085-05:00yelling<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">i
totally yelled yesterday. like, borderline screaming rage...well, not
screaming, not red-hot shaking, not really rage, just "i've fucking had
it!"-type [loud] rant. i didn't name-call or anything...so to
speak...okay maybe i did say something about ungrateful children...a
couple of times. i was ranting about about holiday stress. i was
trying to get the kids to help tidy the house after the holiday week
trashing, they were whining about decorating for winter/xmas bc i said
we could on dec. 1st. but the house was trashed and i said we can't
decorate a trashed house. totally logical, right? <br /> <br /> well they
didn't seem to get the connection, and nobody was doing anything,
including my husband. i am stressed out trying to make gifts bc we are
broke and i am crafty and have lots of supplies. i clearly expressed my
anxiety about holing up in my studio to work while the house is a mess,
bc the mess will get worse if i'm not around to help reign it in (i.e.
supervise!). the house is extra trashed bc hubs and i have been
sleeping in (since there was no school last week) and the kids are
unsupervised for a couple of hours each morning which means mischief
galore...despite our attempt to curb it by leaving the room with the tv
unlocked and tuned into pbs. guess my kids are tired of tv! (good
thing i suppose). ANYWAY, the mess is not really that bad if you think
about 7 ppl pitching in. an hour would do it. but no one wants to
freakin help. okay, i'm rambling...<br /> <br /> so, as usual, my tantrum
was triggered by no one respecting my need for peace and order (if we
want to get all NVC about it) and my clear and respectful (if repeated)
requests for help. it was getting toward the end of the day and i was
panicking that no one would do their jobs for the day, then it would be
time to go to grandma's for dinner and that would eat up the rest of the
evening until bedtime! so i lost it. i ranted about holiday stress,
ungrateful children, no one helping me, etc. i don't even remember. i
wasn't even talking to anyone in particular, just ranting while
violently unloading the dryer and transferring the wet clean stuff in
(lol). so everyone is begrudgingly doing some pickup/put away as i
continue to rant. (they did make a decent dent so it was okay later.)
so then i announced i wasn't going to the ILs' for dinner bc i needed a
break. so i got a couple of hours to myself to recharge. and i will
admit i took some anxiety medication to help me calm down and
recenter myself. it helped a lot. i was calm and loving/playful when
they got home.<br /> <br /> so i don't even know how i could have done
things differently. this was a case of me feeling disrespected and
worthless...walked all over...because my repeated requests were
repeatedly ignored. EVERYBODY KNOWS that mama needs peace and order, and
that starts with a clean house. i mean, that's one of the reasons i
put them in school! i could not stand living in chaos anymore! i am
able to PLAY when i am not bogged down with mental clutter caused by
environmental clutter. why wouldn't they want that? you would think
they would notice that and want to help. i have certainly verbalized it
enough times; pointed out the connection between mama's moods and the
level of order in the home. everyone plays better, not just me! the
house stays company-ready (or close to it) during the school week, and
even on weekends i'm okay with the extra mess bc i know come monday i
will be able to get things right again. and they do help. our rhythm
just got all fucked up last week. i'm proud that i made it almost all
the way through the 9 days without losing it, but now i'm disappointed
that i failed at the very end! argh.<br /> <br /> today, things are finally
quiet, but there are 5 loads of laundry to fold and the sink is
overflowing with dishes. i asked hubs to do them yesterday (twice) and
then again this morning (twice). he has now left for his jobs and still
they sit in the sink. so now, once again, i have to do them myself. 3
days worth of dishes. FFS.</span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[0]">my husband repeatedly says he'll do something and then doesn't follow
through. so in the interest of NOT being a martyr, i do it myself
because (bear with me here) i'm doing it for ME--no one else seems to give a shit if the house is a
shambles. and many times i have asked</span></span><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[0]">
him to do something and then started to do it myself within minutes, i
guess as sort of a point that it needs to get done NOW, not just
whenever he feels like it, if he even remembers. </span><br data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[1]" /><br data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[2]" /><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[3]">the
NVC formula works wonders sometimes. saying "would you be willing..."
puts the option to do good for someone else into their hands, and people
like to help others bc it gives them satisfaction. i just feel like
i'm the only one putting forth an effort to be compassionate and
empathetic around here. my husband's version of getting ppl to help
involves turning into a drill instructor. he feeds off my moods so when
i get upset about stuff he steps in a deals with it...meanly. it does
not make things better.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[3]"> </span><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[5]">the
thing with the kids is that we have made chores/jobs/tasks a mandatory
part of daily life, and they have come to accept that (if begrudgingly
sometimes). </span><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[8]">so
when they are just wanting to play (and add to the mess) all day, i get
frustrated. i really think the screw-up in our rhythm is what made
things so bad. i had to trade the screentime rules for extra sleep (the
need for which was brought on by more couple time at night...staying up
way too late), and normally they have to do their daily jobs before
getting screen time, which is strictly limited under normal
circumstances. having unlimited screentime caused them to self-regulate
and it lost it's novelty (a good thing). so then it turned to "we
can't go anywhere until the jobs are done". but then they got involved
in playing (another good thing) and the desire to go somewhere
disappeared. result: no more ammo for me. and who am i to disrupt one
thing i desire very much from my children--that they are happily playing
all day long, no screens, no field trips? </span><br data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[9]" /><br data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[10]" /><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[11]">it
was just the one day. the week in general was pretty relaxed. i think
i was just starting to panic bc things got so out of the ordinary. i
like routine, i like order, and i like my alone time. those needs are
met while they are at school. i'll be okay for the next 3 weeks but
then winter break starts and it will be TWO weeks of everyone home, PLUS
the holidays. omfg. i guess i will have to be more prepared for that
than i was for this. live and learn.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[11]">the tentative plan:</span></span></span></span></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486907261425351}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[11]"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486922424757168}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486922424757168}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4klre].[1][3][1]{comment486891681426909_486922424757168}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"> try
to keep the routine, i guess. the tricky part is the sleeping in
thing. we are not morning people, and getting up at 6am on school days
is the pits. sleeping in till 8am is a treat, but the kids still get up
at 6! i have a feeling we will be adjusting the bedtime over winter
break. let the kids stay up a little later (than 8pm) and maybe they'll
sleep in a little later than 6am. we like night time festivities
anyway, fires, movies, etc. so we will have to spend the last 3 nights
getting back into the 8p-6a groove before school starts again (to avoid
monster-children), but perhaps it's worth that price.</span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h5>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-77639450866086772292013-12-02T12:50:00.000-05:002014-01-04T10:18:00.314-05:00homebody<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">i
think i'm becoming agoraphobic. or i always have been but have just
had to deal with it for the sake of everyone else. i like being at
home. i don't get cabin fever. lately i mostly only leave for errands
or babysitting jobs. i haven't been going to church, and i don't miss
it. i like having friends over, but i generally don't want to go
anywhere. it's like this one vehicle thing (going on 5 months now) + 4
out of 5 kids in school (almost 4 months) is allowing the agoraphobic in
me to blossom, so to speak. i've always had social anxiety (with
strangers -- hate small talk) and claustrophobia, fear of heights...all
symptoms. i'm not *afraid* to leave my house, i just don't want to, and
will avoid it whenever possible. i am thankful that i have the one-car
thing as an excuse. or <span class="text_exposed_show">maybe i *am*
afraid. i don't know. i have always "joked" that if i wasn't married
with children, i would be a hermit in the mountains somewhere, like the
grandfather in Heidi. this is weird. maybe this is just some strange
manifestation of depression. or maybe i am still recovering from 5 years
of homeschooling with 4+ spirited children with me 24/7. or maybe i'm
feeling apathetic about my marriage/life bc i'm thinking too deeply about the past. maybe all of
it. maybe i have just given up on some things bc the current (very
multifaceted) situation has ripped so many things out of my hands, so in
order to survive i have had to just surrender and not care anymore.</span></span></span></span></span></span></h5>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-77162237004971245412013-11-17T14:13:00.000-05:002014-01-04T10:18:39.986-05:00Feeling Scroogey Already - Holiday Stressi have come to dread the holidays. there are quite a few reasons, and i'm sure they are not unique. in order to get then off my chest without whining to my friends during this month of gratitude, i shall make one of my beloved lists, right here in my very own corner of the interwebs.<br />
<br />
<b>~ the money issue ~</b><br />
<br />
we are broke. we have been broke for the past 4 years due to hubs being in college and our only income being grants and loans. and of course, being paid a chunk of money at the beginning of the semester pretty much guaranteed that we were broke by the end of it. but our level of brokeness has increased as each year has gone by. back in the day, i had a budget of $500 for xmas. that seems extravagant to some and lame to others. the budget declined over the years and well, last year it plummeted to $100. i made it work, and i was actually quite pleased with the results. we restricted the number of gifts to 3 per kid, and i scoured the thrift stores for weeks and weeks. I ended up finding each child presents that they were thrilled to get, and they didn't care a stitch that they were secondhand. I did buy a few knew things, but not a lot. socks. toothbrushes. new crayons. dollar store trinkets for the stockings.<br />
<br />
<b>~ the time/energy/opportunity issue ~</b><br />
<br />
so every year that we are broke, i have to find creative ways to provide gifts for our family members. i have tons of craft supplies and could easily, between my husband and myself, be able to produce lovely gifts for everyone on our lists for little to nothing out of pocket for us. but time and opportunity are a rare commodity around here. so the handmade stuff usually ends up going to the extended family. Last year they got hand-dipped beeswax tapers, handmade wool dryer balls, handmade (melt & pour) soaps, etc. in the past i have done sugar free & fat free hot chocolate mix (bc all of the grandparents and aunts/uncles are more "diet" conscious than we are -- we prefer whole-ish/"real" foods and not over-processed chemical shitstorms), felted wool coasters, crocheted whimsical/unique bookmarks, knitted/crocheted scarves, inexpensive photobooks (from CVS) of the "best of 20XX", etc. simple, quick stuff from supplies already onhand; things that are unique and infused with love. but those particular things are not the best gifts for children (with the exception of the photobooks -- they have been a bit hit with the littles!).<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>~ is it worth it? ~</b><br />
<br />
for children, i mean. to make things. my kids are slobs. because of a combination of against-the-grain parenting philosophies, my desire to avoid conflict/take the path of least resistance, and my own laziness when my older children were younger, i have failed to establish good habits in my children. habits regarding taking care of their items and their home environment. if i am not on top of everything everyday by myself, the whole house goes to shit REALLY quickly. so i try to supply my children with sturdy, high-quality, repairable toys so that they will withstand rough use and last a long time. they still manage to break these toys. an overabundance of clinical-level hyperactivity amongst my children does not help things (it also drives me batshit and i have to take sedatives to make it through some days without completely flipping out). so when it comes to handmaking playthings for them, i am apprehensive. i have made many baby toys which have held up well bc they are simple crocheted/knitted or carved wood toys. but then the simple dress-up clothes have not held up so so well. drawstring to the cape goes missing and suddenly it's a useless piece of cloth. the ladies full-skirted half-slip that was upcycled into a little girls dress-up ball gown got the petticoat ripped off of it, so now it is a short, "flapper" dress. still loved, but disappointing to me. the bendy dolls and gnomes that i have experimented with in the past have been taken and ruined, whether by having been left in the yard at the mercy of the elements, or kicked unter a bed to gather dust bunnies and provide the inevitable florida bugs a tasty feast. so while i want more than anything for my children to have these beautiful, handcrafted, open-ended toys, made with love by their mama, i cannot bear the heartbreak of seeing those things destroyed.<br />
<br />
<b>~ the influx of shit ~</b><br />
<br />
"shit" being stuff. new stuff. all five kids' birthdays from november to february, and xmas thrown in there. with overly generous grandparents in the picture, i'd say we end up with AT LEAST 50 new playthings (or plat SETS) in the house during those 3 months. that doesn't include the gifts that hubs and i receive. it's great that the kids get fresh playthings, really. i do not resent the generosity that provides my children with things we could never afford. i am a minimalst at heart, and we have 7 people living in a house built for 4. take that an add to it the garage that acts as a storage unit for everything from things we still haven't unpacked since we moved in 9 years ago (I KNOW) to things friends who lived with us for a while left, things we inherited when various elderly family members passed away, and of course, things that are no longer useful to us (outgrown clothes, toys, etc). we just have too much stuff. we have PLENTY of storage space. it is just not used efficiently, and there is a ton of stuff in there that just doesn't need to be. but i do not want to just chuck it all and be done with it, since deep in the rubble there are sentimental things from my childhood (or my children's infancy) that i truly want to keep for scrapbooks and/or memory boxes. so to chuck everything at once would be to risk losing something precious. (i promise, i'm not a hoarder. really. i'm talking memory boxes the size of a file box here.)<br />
<br />
over the years, my children have destroyed many sentimental items of mine. i have hardened my heart to it and told myself over and over that "they're just THINGS." but that doesn't make it any less sad. i finally packed up the irreplaceable stuff and put it in a box on a high shelf in a locked room, to be taken back down when the kids are MUCH older. so i get that things are just things. i do not have a hard time deciding to get rid of things, and i have become more and more ruthless about it in the recent past. i lamented to my husband that we get rid of things that we shouldn't HAVE to get rid of, because if we are going to be able to teach the children how to take care of things, said things (all things, not just toys, but household items, too) need to be stripped to a minimum. so that is the idea while i cull our possessions these days. this time of year gives us a chance to start over. but the culling is tedious and can be very overwhelming.<br />
<br />
<b>~ and finally, nuclear-family-of-origin issues ~</b><br />
<br />
my nuclear family of origin (mom, dad, sis) are not close. i won't hijack this by explaining why, bc that would take days. however, suffice it to say that the holidays rub salt into the wound that i have tried to keep swept under the rug of my consciousness. it hurts. i do not have a close, loving relationship that i so desperately crave with my family. so when holidays come around and we can't get together due to schedule conflicts, i feel undervalued. this is especially true when my sister is able to make the trip to visit our parents and i am not. so i go to my in-laws' house and celebrate with my husband's family, all the while feeling lonely and unloved because my own family did not try harder to include me in their celebration. and then when we DO get together, it is surface-level visiting with a slightly formal air to it. then the (always brief) visit is over and i am left feeling abandoned again. i have friends who are very close with their parents and siblings. i have learned to be apathetic about it, but underneath that i am envious and wistful. and the worst part is, i feel like it's too late to fix it. i have closed the door of my heart to them after enduring far too many rejections.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b><br />
so all of that, you see, is why i like the holiday season to pass as quickly as possible so we can get on with starting a fresh new year (and perhaps consuming an entire bottle of champagne myself on NYE, haha), and i can focus on enjoying the lovely florida winter weather. <deep breath=""> this too shall pass.</deep><br />
<br />
~ namaste ~<br />
(at least i keep telling myself that)<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-54055733086123588802013-09-28T11:18:00.000-04:002013-12-02T13:02:03.398-05:00dear pinterest gods<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">dear pinterest gods,<br /> <br />
i hate burlap. it's rustic-looking, and i like rustic, but it's
scratchy and i prefer not to touch it, especially for long periods of
time while cutting and gathering and sewing and gluing it into a stupid
freaking wreath. so please make it not popular anymore. <a class="_58cn" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/annoying">#annoying</a><br /> <br />
next, please inform the human race that it is not safe to use pallets
for indoor projects. people are going to start dying and it will be your
fault. <a class="_58cn" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/lawsuit">#lawsuit</a><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /> <br />
please ALSO inform the human race that it is not necessary to have 10
different "natural" cleaner recipes. one spray bottle of water,
vinegar, and dish soap will clean and sanitize almost anything. if you
have a specific task (like polishing wood or removing mineral deposits),
refer to pin. but if you make all of those formulas, i can guarantee
you that at least 80% of them are just going to rot in your fridge
before you can use them and make you feel like a housekeeping failure. <a class="_58cn" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/wordtothewise">#wordtothewise</a> <br /> <br />
finally, i am not a bored housewife with gobs of time and money on my
hands, so knock it off with all the ridiculous projects that scream
that. <a class="_58cn" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/aintnobodygottimefodat">#aintnobodygottimefodat</a><br /> <br />
if you could give these issues some attention, it would be greatly
appreciated. feel free to impress me with your phenomenal
prayer-answering skillz. <a class="_58cn" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/greatexpectations">#greatexpectations</a> <br /> <br /> thanks,<br /> me<br /> <br /> <a class="_58cn" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/firstworldproblems">#firstworldproblems</a><br /> <a class="_58cn" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/shamelesshashtagabuse">#shamelesshashtagabuse</a> <br /> <a class="_58cn" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/youknowyoulikeit">#youknowyoulikeit</a></span></span></span></span></span></h5>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-32909190282457742922013-09-23T10:10:00.002-04:002013-09-23T10:18:06.761-04:00My Dollar Tree Shopping List...because i see this all over pinterest and i thought it would be cool to publicly document mine, since it already exists in my phone's notepad app! :D you should know that i have 5 children under the age of 12, and they are VERY curious and VERY hard on things...so a lot of this list is stuff we go through like water because of their mischief and/or play. :/<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAU1Lgb3HO5pvAK2Royi2HDFCjxOvwk-qggny0HjOD2IoVgb7X-u4DPZFVKyfLXYKIxhl8fPU82VpIaJPGIwHfUPXSkPHD7tNMk1W8KdTHJuwP7oe6EgJMLkNdX1fyx4XG991PK2L6xthA/s1600/dollar-treelogo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAU1Lgb3HO5pvAK2Royi2HDFCjxOvwk-qggny0HjOD2IoVgb7X-u4DPZFVKyfLXYKIxhl8fPU82VpIaJPGIwHfUPXSkPHD7tNMk1W8KdTHJuwP7oe6EgJMLkNdX1fyx4XG991PK2L6xthA/s320/dollar-treelogo.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<u><b>good deals:</b></u><br />
<br />
:: <b>timers</b>. i love timers and use them for everything. you can never have enough timers! my kids break things so this is the most affordable way to keep me in good supply.<br />
<br />
:: baby <b>board books</b><br />
<br />
:: ziploc <b>baggies</b><br />
<br />
:: tiny <b>trash can liners</b> -- those super thin, scented ones on a roll that are the perfect size for a bathroom trash can.<b> </b><br />
<br />
:: <b>emergency candles </b>-- 6 pack! these sell out quickly. great when you use candles a lot, like at the dinner table or during story time.<br />
<br />
:: kids <b>watches</b>. no special features (e.g. alarm), but they tell time! they also sell out quickly<br />
<br />
:: <b>seasonal decor </b>(fake flowers, entry table decorations, etc.)<br />
<br />
::<b> hair ties & clips</b> -- since they get lost or broken so easily, i'm not paying 2-3x the price for the name brand ones!<br />
<br />
:: funky <b>nail polish</b> and basic <b>makeup </b>-- i rarely wear makeup and the nail polish is just for kids' fun, so quality doesn't really matter. they get the job done. and they have a shade of lipstick that i LOVE, so it is affordable since kids tend to get into that and ruin it (and their easter dress...ahem) as well.<br />
<br />
:: natural <b>chap stick</b> -- they have an all-natural beeswax chap stick that comes in 3-packs!<br />
<br />
:: purse- or travel-size <b>medications </b>(ibuprofen, tylenol, gas-x, etc.)<br />
<br />
:: <b>pregnancy tests!</b> same quality as in your doctor's office. (BUT, you can get a 20-pack for $5 on amazon, so that's definitely more worth it if you are TTC.)<br />
<br />
:: <b>liquid soap</b>. this can be hit or miss as i once bought 3 bottles of the stuff that didn't even suds in our hard water.<br />
<br />
:: <b>bar soap</b>. they carry the oatmeal/honey and the lavender bars i like so much. i recently started buying the 3-packs of dial natural (or something like that), and i cut them in half and use them as hand soaps -- my kids are huge soap-wasters so this cuts the cost down to about $0.17/"bar". this way, i only end up spending around $1/month on hand soap.<br />
<br />
:: <b>placemats</b><br />
<br />
:: <b>pot holders</b><br />
<br />
:: <b>butter dishes</b> (flimsy, yes, but cheaply replaced when they break -- they always get broken no matter how much i pay for them!) <br />
<br />
:: kitchen <b>sponges</b> & scouring sponges <br />
<br />
:: <b>bandaids</b> & other basic<b> first aid</b> items<br />
<br />
:: <b>shoe laces</b> (multipack of different lengths and colors)<br />
<br />
:: some <b>school/office supplies</b> (pens, pencils, sharpeners, folders, dividers, sharpies, dry erase markers, scotch tape, workbooks for homeschooling)<br />
<br />
:: <b>mailing supplies</b> (for mailing letters and shipping small things that i sell online)<br />
<br />
:: magnetic <b>dry erase boards</b> (we have gone through a bunch of these since they are flimsy, but i use them to write my husband's to-do list on.)<br />
<br />
:: wooden <b>clothes pins</b> -- i use them for all kinds of things, but most often as chip clips...the kids love to play with them so they get lost/broken a lot, so have to buy more every now and then.<br />
<br />
:: kids <b>clothes hangers</b>. they are an affordable way to supply myself with plenty of hangers for the big semi-annual community consignment sale. <br />
<br />
:: tiny bottles of <b>goo gone</b>. my kids tend to dump things out, so this is no big loss and i can keep them all around the house. my one complaint is that they don't have the squirty top.<br />
<br />
:: duct tape -- small rolls, but since my kids are also tape-wasters, having a smaller roll around means less to waste! especially since a full roll is around $5. <br />
<br />
:: s<b>pray bottles</b> for DIY household cleaners (i keep them all over the house)<b>.</b> another hit-or-miss item; some of them are just fine, others leak right off the bat, argh!<br />
<br />
:: <b>playing cards</b> -- 2-packs! these are pretty much one-time-use items for my kids; they cannot keep a deck whole to save their lives!<br />
<br />
:: <b>sunglasses</b> -- i have even found fashionable ones that fit over my eyeglasses! and no big loss when they get scratched or broken. i'm done buying $20 sunglasses! <br />
<br />
:: <b>twine</b>. i use it to repair woven/wicker baskets that i use for decorative storage all around the house. also good for kids play/projects when i don't feel like having them waste a $5 skein of my yarn!<br />
<br />
:: <b>paring knives</b>. i have mostly had success with these. once i had one that fell apart after a few uses, but the new line of brightly colored ones with matching sheath have held up just fine so far.<br />
<br />
:: some of the <b>storage containers</b> -- leftover food containers seem decent, the plastic, handled tubs and baskets are too. <br />
<br />
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- <br />
<br />
<b><u>things that are NOT worth buying at dollar tree:</u></b><br />
<br />
:: <b>scrub brushes </b>-- they break easily and the bristles just suck.<b><br /></b><br />
<br />
:: <b>can openers</b> -- they just straight up don't work. better off with a $1.97 one from walmart!<br />
<br />
:: <b>kitchen towels</b> (unless you like the tea towel size -- i don't; they are just glorified wash rags!)<br />
<br />
:: <b>microfiber cleaning cloths</b> -- they fall apart after one wash! i'll stick to my walmart ones, 8/$5. much higher quality.<br />
<br />
:: some of the <b>storage containers</b> -- the plastic baskets and woven/chipwood baskets are super flimsy -- they do not hold up to frequent use AT ALL. the sterilite knock-offs are pretty thin and break easily, plus the tops
tend to not fit very well and you are liable to crack it trying to get
it off!<br />
<br />
thanks for reading -- this was fun! :) Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-78523584202937274202012-03-15T08:00:00.054-04:002013-09-28T11:26:33.714-04:0030 Things in 30 YearsToday I am 30 years old. Holy shit! So, to commemorate this monumental occasion, I wanted to make a list (YESSSS!) of 30 cool things I've done in my 30 years. I will try my best to keep this succinct. ;) Alright, here goes (in attempted chronological order)...<br />
<br />
<br />
1. I was born. I already knew how to nurse, cry, pee, and poop. I nursed for 18 months. I still cry, pee, and poop. :)<br />
<br />
2. I learned to walk and talk. And run and jump and climb. And talk. And ride a bike, and roller skate. And talk.<br />
<br />
3. I discovered my love of music and singing. I randomly burst into song, and have a song for just about every situation. <br />
<br />
4. I learned to read, 'rite, and 'rithmatize (<--i a="" br="" made="" new="" up="" word="">
<br />
5. I became a ballerina, and a pianist. Today, I cherish my electric piano and its 88 weighted keys. <br />
<br />
6. I learned to crochet. I have since crocheted afghans for 4 of my children (child #5 is getting a knitted one).<br />
<br />
7. I learned to sew. I made doll clothes with my grandmother. I have dreams that someday, a good portion of my family's wardrobe (and other useful fabric items) will be handmade by me. We shall see...<br />
<br />
8. I learned to knit. (I looooooove to knit. I make mostly wool diaper covers and toys. I wish I had more time/energy to knit, and I wish I could knit faster. That's a tall order because I'm already a fast knitter. Maybe I should revisit the time/energy issue...)<br />
<br />
9. I lived in Switzerland for a year. I attended a local school and was immersed in the culture. I toured Europe on weekends and holidays.<br />
<br />
10. I became fluent in Swiss German in a matter of months. Years later, in high school, I learned French.<br />
<br />
11. I learned to snow ski...quite well. (I also learned to water ski.)<br />
<br />
12. I became a kick-ass cook.<br />
<br />
13. I got accepted into and participated in a rigorous high school program that burned me out on school for the rest of my friggin' life.<br />
<br />
14. I took an IQ test. The result astounded me. It still does. And it annoys the hell out of me, too.<br />
<br />
15. I discovered that I suffer from mental illness. I have accepted and embraced it, and learned to cope as best I can. That journey will never end.<br />
<br />
16. I got involved with the wrong crowd. I got hurt. I got in trouble. <br />
<br />
17. I conquered an addiction. I am currently working on conquering another one.<br />
<br />
18. I survived abuse. I am still learning to live with it; to recover. It seems like an impossible task. Maybe it is.<br />
<br />
19. I had a lot of boyfriends. A lot. Not the healthiest relationships.<br />
<br />
20. I got married to a childhood sweetheart.<br />
<br />
21. I birthed 5 people, the last of whom I birthed unassisted, in a dimly-lit, peaceful corner of my bedroom. It was the most incredible experience of my life. <br />
<br />
22. I accepted my body after the birth of my 4th child.<br />
<br />
23. I survived my husband's deployment to Iraq.<br />
<br />
24. I started a blog. Personally, I think it's awesome. :)<br />
<br />
25. I accepted my physical limitations due to scoliosis, and learned how to cope as best I can. This was after I learned that you can pull ribs out of their sockets in your spine. Yeah. Ouch.<br />
<br />
26. I broke my ankle kicking the dog, and dropped a tree on my foot. (Totally different scenarios, years apart. Just stupid-ass things I did that resulted in painful physical injury.)<br />
<br />
27. I dropped out of college in order to pursue my real dream: to be a stay-at-home mom.<br />
<br />
28. I took on the responsibility of facilitating my children's education. I effing LOVE it.<br />
<br />
29. I let my firstborn go. He lives with his dad now. It's bittersweet.<br />
<br />
30. I successfully made it through the first year of my 5th child's life without feeding her a drop of formula. We are still happily nursing.<br />
<br />
<br />
I went and wrote my whole life story (well, maybe not the WHOLE thing) -- in a LIST! What could be better?! I do so love lists.<br />
<br />
Happy 30th Birthday to ME!<!----i--></--i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-81667243395121539942012-02-25T08:00:00.075-05:002012-02-25T08:00:01.615-05:00Six Senses Saturday<b>Watching</b><br />
<br />
<i>Twilight: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1</i>. Yup. I'm a Twilight fan. (Team Edward, in case you are wondering ;)). I devoured the books years ago (much to my housework's chagrin, heehee) and LOVED them. I have never been into vampire anything, so this is it for me! So of course I have to keep up with (and own) all of the corresponding movies! :) I went to see this one in the theater on Thanksgiving day with a gal pal (and NO ONE ELSE - WOOT!) and then just purchased it at my local <strike>Portal To Hell</strike> Walmart last week. LURVE.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Hearing</b><br />
<br />
My whiny baby cry a lot. She's always been a crotchety old man trapped in a fat baby girl, but now she's getting over a cold AND cutting 2 canines. I am so over hearing her cry. I have been tending to her needs her whole life, and I wholeheartedly ascribe to attachment parenting philosophy, but there comes a point when...well, let's just say I have (not-so-)jokingly referred to her as "The Baby Who Cried Wolf" (if that makes any sense) on more than one occasion recently. She is just so. damn. fussy. Wears me out.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Feeling</b><br />
<br />
Yarn. And fabric. I have been crafting. It's part of my... "therapy". It's what I have been doing during my alone time. <br />
<br />
As for sewing, I have been making soakers and longies out of old wool sweaters, and then my most recent endeavor has been upcycling some of my late grandmother's wool skirts into double-layer wrap-style diaper covers. I have a favorite fleece wrap that I have been trying to copy and I think I've just about got it down, 3 prototypes in. I plan to do up a tutorial for this here blog when I am confident that it is worth sharing. :) <br />
<br />
As for knitting, I am currently working on 2 soakers. (I am obsessed. My baby really doesn't need as many as she has, but I am refreshing her stash, so there!) Then tonight I cast on the <a href="http://thriftyknitter.com/?p=223">Pebble</a>, something I have seen many times over at <a href="http://www.soulemama.com/soulemama/2012/02/baby-girls-vest.html">SouleMama</a>, but wasn't sure how I felt about it until I saw it made in pink for a baby girl (lurve!). AND, I didn't realize until today that 1) the pattern is free (score!), and 2) REALLY simple (double score!). So tonight, as I watched TBDP1 (think about it...got it?), I cast on a Pebble for Brigit, in lavender cotton, to be worn alone as a tank top this coming summer (this <i>is </i>Florida, you know. It's often pointless to knit warm woolies...). Pics to come when it is finished, I assure you! :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Smelling</b><br />
<br />
Not much of anything. We are having major pollen around here, and it turns out I'm allergic to pine! I mean, I've had allergies for-like-ever, but this is the first year that I've paid attention to WHAT pollen was actually in the air when I'm having symptoms, and that's only because I noticed that I <i>wasn't</i> having symptoms back during the <i>last </i>pollen season, which was in the fall. That was cedar. Not allergic. Pine? CHECK - VERY ALLERGIC. So I've had this cold - or is it hay fever? Who knows...whatever it is (probably both, because hay fever isn't contagious and we've all been sick...but I supposed it is possible that we all have the same allergies!), there has been lots of sneezing and snot, hoarseness and a slight dry, itchy, scratchy cough. I actually lost my voice the other day. I was talking in this silly high-pitched "voice", which was so weird because I have a rather robust voice for a woman (I sing alto, if that says anything). Using <a href="http://www.bionoricausa.com/2010/11/sinupret-adult-strength/">Sinupret</a> and garlic oil pills to try and kick this sucker to the curb.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Tasting</b><br />
<br />
My snack of choice lately has been popcorn (the horrible, chemical drenched microwave kind, of which my husband purchased 4 boxes, because they were BOGO and he thought he was doing a good thing, bless him). It's hidden from the children in the coat closet because they are not allowed to eat such junk (I'm such a hypocrite), so I've been sneaking it after they go to bed. <br />
<br />
I also found a very old box (yes, box) of Twizzlers, another vice of mine (that's like, all HFCS and red dye - ACK!), in my craft room...I've indulged in a few of those here and there recently...bad crunchy mama! <br />
<br />
I need to get back on the wagon of healthy snacks (which I do love!)...I love apples and peanut butter, and I actually got to eat that the other night! It's rare that I get to eat apples. My children consume them like water. I would venture to guess that we go through 10-15 POUNDS of apples a week. And considering that apples are #1 on the <a href="http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-2580/Apples-Top-2011-Dirty-Dozen-List-of-Produce-Contaminated-with-Pesticides.html">Dirty Dozen</a> list so I buy the organic ones, that's a lotta money spent on apples!! But I swear, every time I want to eat apples and peanut butter, we are fresh out of apples, dammit. :/<br />
<br />
I bought 10 avocados that were BOGO a week or so ago, and of course they all ripened at once and by the time I realized it, they were overripe and mealy and gross. Not even worth making guac or anything...and I don't even really like guac anymore since I've eaten so many avocados straight (yummm). Guac tastes weird to me now!<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Intuiting</b><br />
<br />
[This may not really fall under "intuiting", but it didn't really seem to belong under "feeling" as a sense, either] As several of my recent posts have shown, my feelings have been all over the place, but generally leaning toward the SHIT-TAY end of that spectrum. I've been "ill" since I hit puberty, so I know by now what "symptoms" to watch for and how to treat them. (I put all these illness-related terms in quotes bc being mentally ill is not commonly equated with being "sick", although that is what it is - a chronic illness!...so I use the terms as a kind of hybrid analogy, if you will.) Anyhoo, it sucks that I often have to get close to rock-bottom before I realize things are that bad, but I <i>do </i>know what needs to be done to pull me out. It just takes time. It's a slow, painful process, and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel, but I know I will at least get to a point when I will not HATE so many things anymore. I'm just working on it, and waiting for that day.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-79183600622663417172012-02-18T16:05:00.000-05:002012-02-18T16:05:33.861-05:00"Why didn't I do this sooner?"so. lots of changes since i quit smoking. more time in the thick of things, less time hiding out on the porch, sitting in my tattered old la-z-boy, computer in lap. a LOT less time on facebook... <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8V2DhAEN10NVHjxOey_yDGpkI4NtDQ65Ub_snZQB5jGjhrr5975s88eTQjx8e_by95UkI8F74l3Vc8zNrm7Gogmrj8LlCXv0IbpOAviw0khFwv0Cp5jEuvRfs0HCHhyqr5kuIX7YSykjU/s1600/2298.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8V2DhAEN10NVHjxOey_yDGpkI4NtDQ65Ub_snZQB5jGjhrr5975s88eTQjx8e_by95UkI8F74l3Vc8zNrm7Gogmrj8LlCXv0IbpOAviw0khFwv0Cp5jEuvRfs0HCHhyqr5kuIX7YSykjU/s400/2298.jpg" /></a></div><br />
i didn't want to quit. i HAD to for money reasons. i still have some anger about this.<br />
<br />
i ceased contact with the QuitLine people when, in one of the followup phone calls, i admitted that i'd "slipped" twice, and they changed my quit date to the last slip date. fuck that shit. i've put myself through hell to quit my pack-a-day habit. if i have a cig every now and then bc i've had a shitty shitty day or i'm out celebrating and drinking, then that does NOT count. that does NOT mean i am a smoker again. i don't care what they think, or what you think as to whether that counts. i'm no longer a pack-a-day smoker. THAT'S what counts.<br />
<br />
so i have smoked 4 cigs in the past 48 days. normally, i would have smoked close to 1,000 cigs. !!! so suck on that, QuitLine. i guess i should give them some feedback about that, since re-setting my quit date is extremely discouraging and guilt-inducing. <br />
<br />
i like that i no longer stink, that i am no longer spending ~$100/month on smokes, that i don't have to be ashamed or try to hide it. i like that my family is proud of me. i am proud of myself. i like that when my kids get sick with a cough, i no longer have to wonder if exposure to 2nd hand smoke is causing/aggravating it.<br />
<br />
<b>i love that i am more connected to my kids, that i am spending less time hiding out on the porch in my computer. granted, now i am at the dining room table, but still on the computer a lot bc that's where EVERYTHING I DO is. i mean, we get out of the house almost every day, but everything is tied to something online. this is my WORK. when i say work, i meant the stuff i do that makes me feel like a productive member of society. and i do it all for free. anyway...i am more present for my children, and being at the dining room table enables me to be there to answer questions and converse with them as they work on their art/craft projects and do their school work.</b><br />
<br />
my view one day from my new perch (and playing with my new phone's cool camera options):<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhENdWhq3mteqa4avsDTwDfSRkyRyG_6x2Yl3AgxHNupsdSDa9LQ8IiB7oNHD1SPaaIrPHzlVYwZRTzrDWRZZqsVSrTupTZVVqBKPNTHL-jaGMSw7yAq01RieR5z2OspuXzjXyCwGym9IQv/s1600/2270.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="400" width="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhENdWhq3mteqa4avsDTwDfSRkyRyG_6x2Yl3AgxHNupsdSDa9LQ8IiB7oNHD1SPaaIrPHzlVYwZRTzrDWRZZqsVSrTupTZVVqBKPNTHL-jaGMSw7yAq01RieR5z2OspuXzjXyCwGym9IQv/s400/2270.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYbHiWgytTATVbolQPnhE8zNJrclqyF8OFgWJnh74ZR3jJyRjaL9gr8i-YKM8lUNcYnqIoASSZaMIIF6P2nBH9cQ6LIEjWi4j3Vl9aE24wNmG0FlaYLvrjz2yF985JlRjGpfRKX-EWYSax/s1600/2271.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="239" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYbHiWgytTATVbolQPnhE8zNJrclqyF8OFgWJnh74ZR3jJyRjaL9gr8i-YKM8lUNcYnqIoASSZaMIIF6P2nBH9cQ6LIEjWi4j3Vl9aE24wNmG0FlaYLvrjz2yF985JlRjGpfRKX-EWYSax/s400/2271.jpg" /></a></div><br />
i DON'T like that i no longer have that immediate calming device. i have been an emotional wreck since i quit. crying, yelling, being numb. my bipolar disorder is so obvious right now. combination of hubs being gone too much (school and work) and me therefore not getting enough breaks from the kids (and it has ONCE AGAIN been suggested to me that maybe i should think about putting the kids in school...uh, no, the ones who are the most high maintenance that i need breaks from are too young for school!!! AND, i would regret it, i promise you. school goes against my personal educational philosophy). so all that, plus the fact that i have essentially removed a mood stabilizer from my cocktail, and the fact that i have anger and resentment over the fact that i HAD to quit at all.<br />
<br />
anger and resentment toward those who wanted me to quit so badly, the fact that it is a shameful, stinky, unhealthy addiction, the social stigma, etc. i LIKED having that crutch, i feel like i was forced into quitting. i kind of was. <br />
<br />
i did back down on the wellbutrin again bc it was contributing to my extreme moodiness and irritability (constant hypomania + constant anger triggers! bad combo!), AND i laid down the law about needing major breaks so i can reclaim some identity, and both of those changes have helped a lot.<br />
<br />
and every time i talk or write about it for any lengthy period of time, i want to smoke. hubs gave me one the other day when i was practically catatonic with apathy after pretty much hitting rock-bottom in the burnout department, but i set it on the wooden shelf in the kitchen and haven't smoked it yet. i might. i might not. 5 days of seeing it right there and i haven't smoked it. i really want to right now. so i'm going to end this entry and go refill my coffee, so that i can get my mind off of it and allow the craving to pass.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-6840611518756007392012-02-13T16:38:00.000-05:002012-02-13T16:38:55.501-05:00am i having a nervous breakdown?i am so fuckin fucked up right now~ i don't know whether to call it depression or just the irritability of smoking withdrawal or the resentment surrounding quitting or if i need to back down on the wellbutrin or if i'm just plain sleep-deprived and break-deprived. i can't function. i guess it's depression. i'm totally burned out. i hate my house, i hate my life, i hate my children. (what a horrible thing for a mother to say!) i don't want to have to take care of anyone or anything. i guess that's the mindset of a spoiled child because i don't want to have to work or do any chores or have any commitments or obligations. but this isn't a snobbery thing. i am just so sick in my soul right now that i can't.function. <br />
<br />
i want to be able to read, write, knit, sew, watch tv, eat, SLEEP, even clean/organize/purge --- all of this WITHOUT INTERRUPTION. i need a fucking vacation, is what i need. <br />
B Y M Y S E L F. but i worry that i might not come back. and i'm so depressed that i have little interest in doing any of those things anyway. i WANT to knit, sew, write, watch tv, sleep, but strangely...i just...don't want to. no energy. no motivation. i'm even having to remind myself to eat.<br />
<br />
or i need a staycation and everyoneelsegocation. i'll be getting a half-assed one of those this weekend when drew takes at least 2 kids to paintball (even though that leaves me with the two most high-maintenance of the children, sooooooo... not much of a break!), but how is that going to get me through the next 5 days??? even tonight i will send drew to his parents' house for dinner...and he doesn't know it yet but he'll be taking all the kids with him. and i will stay home and do whatever the fuck i want. <br />
<br />
i'm so burnt out that i am going to need frequent, long breaks to recuperate from this wreck that i am these days. it's to the point that i need major breaks, like, all the time. i am in this so deep i don't know how long it's going to be before i don't need "intensive break therapy" (ha.) anymore. even having "just the baby" isn't cutting it anymore. i need more breaks from her, too. i feel consumed by her, by her needs, to which i am a slave. i just need.more.breaks. having a REALLY hard time adhering to the oxygen mask theory. i'm trying, but they are getting in the way, so i'm getting angry at them for preventing me from taking care of myself. like i'm to the point where i am seriously considering starting smoking again, just in case that's why i'm in such a funk. but the guilt about "failing" quitting would just make things worse, as well as throw me right back into the shameful social stigma. more guilt and shame? no thanks.<br />
<br />
i went shopping for 9 hours on saturday. drew took the older kids to church yesterday and let me and the baby sleep in (not that it made a dent in the sleep deprivation since i have been up until 3, 4, 5am every night for perhaps over a week now for various reasons - AND i missed church, which means i missed my weekly spiritual recharge). i went to choir practice last thursday and then went for coffee with a friend after. gone for 4 hours. i'm getting a few hours alone this evening. i'm getting a few hours alone this coming thursday from grandma and then choir practice again thursday night. then this weekend with the paintball tournament (but that will still leave me with theyounger two, or at LEAST the baby).<br />
<br />
i hope this all will help because right now the only thing i can think of that will really help would be running away. just packing up and leaving all of this. not that i would get far. i have no money of my own. and my littles are quite attached to me. and i am to them. although the way my mind has been lately i can feel the threads of attachment thinning, breaking...and not in a healthy, natural way. i feel pulled between the primal mother in me and the crazy, insecure, depressed, confused, lost, exhausted woman in which that primal mother resides.<br />
<br />
i just want to hide.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-49498349938345250062012-02-11T16:10:00.003-05:002012-02-13T01:58:04.460-05:00The Great Cloth Diaper Change 2012So, I have decided that I don't already have enough on my plate (HA!) and volunteered to host our city's chapter of <a href="http://greatclothdiaperchange.com">The Great Cloth Diaper Change 2012</a>, which is an attempt to break the world record for the most cloth diapers changed at one time. It is a great way to show the world how many people are already choosing and using reusable cloth diapers successfully. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikOq4FPOtU1xNh8UqI0BaoexGiCL-Y1UV2kOKCDMJDR7WZTe8SSUR5LbAbB4JieoBxg2UbaVh2140kwX7EYxTCL_k5O7MlDQqpLlCZ-ieA7pwM50iFd_NoeUx6jQsWm_IvHOBZ6JDiklmh/s1600/smlogo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="275" width="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikOq4FPOtU1xNh8UqI0BaoexGiCL-Y1UV2kOKCDMJDR7WZTe8SSUR5LbAbB4JieoBxg2UbaVh2140kwX7EYxTCL_k5O7MlDQqpLlCZ-ieA7pwM50iFd_NoeUx6jQsWm_IvHOBZ6JDiklmh/s400/smlogo.jpg" /></a></div><br />
The event is still 10 weeks away (happening on 4/21/12), but I'm so excited! My co-host and I have grand plans for our little town (well, not <i>so </i>little -- population 120K and a very progressive, crunchy-friendly place!) . There is actually very little required to carry out the event, but we are going above and beyond. We have cute bumper stickers to sell, awesome items to raffle off and goodie bags for the participants that are going to be THE SHIT. We have contacted a TON of companies/manufacturers of various cloth-diaper-related and/or "crunchy" items, many of whom are sending us samples, coupons, or even full size products or gift baskets for our raffle! <br />
<br />
<br />
Here are the (3"x5") bumper stickers we are selling.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTB9uiyOEaUetpDqojMXkKoQpunDsXi5IOgKEjYJCWgbLKwTzs-cUnuNR1rB943gizZJFURFLrn1mbZ3aF_jnnvt6xP1X3cZpQPBWrX1EzQTO-cpkknD6x-Fbvtawqy_a_rVDWOs1wu4By/s1600/IMAG0187.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="239" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTB9uiyOEaUetpDqojMXkKoQpunDsXi5IOgKEjYJCWgbLKwTzs-cUnuNR1rB943gizZJFURFLrn1mbZ3aF_jnnvt6xP1X3cZpQPBWrX1EzQTO-cpkknD6x-Fbvtawqy_a_rVDWOs1wu4By/s400/IMAG0187.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD5MRsUaFPBPxDESgL-fYshScAyiPNacwSmuZS_L2s2dbef1dvVGDGmKIV-kNBI-6ElE13Z14b1cqIydWfhpsuKREQ16aetvIpG_NajPf1ZbMAIppqdPvQMzLw_2OjnKNWdF_y7qrjP9Ux/s1600/IMAG0186.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="239" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD5MRsUaFPBPxDESgL-fYshScAyiPNacwSmuZS_L2s2dbef1dvVGDGmKIV-kNBI-6ElE13Z14b1cqIydWfhpsuKREQ16aetvIpG_NajPf1ZbMAIppqdPvQMzLw_2OjnKNWdF_y7qrjP9Ux/s400/IMAG0186.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
And a T-shirt for the raffle (size 2T)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOgM-cLFw7cTOH81ntX80UUBJmUD725u7Zd5wye75sptERmoCHGfuaxtTkLdp3XzwObl5heO3wM-vatNbQI1wh7K0aGuCCoQ7TRbWi38lHUT5PXBIUlrQ69JHPIzIoju7El5JNmTxadf4Z/s1600/IMAG0184.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="239" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOgM-cLFw7cTOH81ntX80UUBJmUD725u7Zd5wye75sptERmoCHGfuaxtTkLdp3XzwObl5heO3wM-vatNbQI1wh7K0aGuCCoQ7TRbWi38lHUT5PXBIUlrQ69JHPIzIoju7El5JNmTxadf4Z/s400/IMAG0184.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
(I ordered all of the above from <a href="http://www.cafepress.com/">cafepress</a>.)<br />
<br />
<br />
After we recoup our expenses, all proceeds will go to the <a href="http://www.realdiaperassociation.org/">Real Diaper Association</a>, a non-profit organization that provides support and education to parents all across North America for the use of simple, reusable cloth diapers.<br />
<br />
More on this as it unfolds! :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-54547705249748683172012-01-28T08:00:00.142-05:002012-02-13T02:04:55.824-05:00Six Senses Saturday<b>Watching</b><br />
<br />
~ My twins learn to read and write. I believe in <a href="http://www.excellenceineducation.com/better_late_than_early.php">delayed academics</a>, and we <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unschooling">unschool</a>, so this sudden interest and progression was a delightful surprise. Coincidentally, this is occurring right after their 7th birthday (which was December 30th), and 7 is the age that is supposedly most appropriate for introducing academics; when the brain is finally, really ready for it.<br />
~ <i>Once Upon a Time</i>, that new show on ABC. Like I needed another show to get hooked on. Thank goodness for TiVo, so I can feed my addictions at my own convenience. :D<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Hearing</b><br />
<br />
~ Children: Playing outside. Fighting. Being silly and loud in the early mornings while I am trying to either catch a few more winks, or sneak out from under a still-sleeping baby. Joy. Innocence (well, sort of...).<br />
~ Audiobooks. The twins love them. I love that they love them. I love that they are being exposed (repeatedly) to classic children's literature before they are able to read it themselves, and without me having to read it to them (I am lazy...ahem, busy, and reading aloud makes my voice hurt).<br />
~ Soothing music. I have had my <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Polynesian-Spa-Dan-Gibson/dp/B0001LYF0E/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1327538557&sr=1-1">"birth music"</a> playing on repeat 24/7 in my bedroom. It helps the baby sleep, and whenever I walk into my bedroom, whether to change a diaper or haul some laundry, I step into a magical, tranquil world, even if just for a moment.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Smelling</b><br />
<br />
Lavender, eucalyptus, and tea tree oils coming from the vaporizers in both bedrooms. <i>Someone </i>has inevitably had <i>some </i>kind of illness requiring such treatment for over a month now. It is a comforting smell. Dropping those oils into the water as I fill the vaporizers each evening is one of those times I feel like I'm "giving from the heart"...it's one of those things that I lovingly do to care for my family. I am the healer in this house, which is both a duty and an honor.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Feeling</b><br />
<br />
~ The warm (yes, <i>warm</i>) "Winter" weather. 75-80 degrees almost every day. Only a handful of rainy days or freezing nights so far. Cold fronts few and far between, lasting only a few days. Azaleas are blooming in January!! A winter wardrobe seems like such a waste of space this year! I love it. It's as if my wish came true: "I wish it was 75 and breezy <i>every day</i>!" -- said when discussing my hatred for both cold winter weather and stifling hot and humid summer weather...I prefer Spring and Fall only, thank you very much. <br />
~ Overwhelmed. So many projects, commitments, activities, responsibilities. Every now and then I get to this point where I have to step back and start saying "No." We don't have to go to <i>every </i>playdate. We don't have to go somewhere <i>every </i>day. Need-to-do vs. Want-to-do. Priorities. Must maintain sanity. Must take care of myself. And if that means spending a few days homebound puttering on the computer (and spending WAY too much time with my blog...ahem...), well, that's okay. I deserve it, dammit! #oxygenmasktheory :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Tasting </b><br />
<br />
~ A lot of pasta. I prefer mine with olive oil, salt & pepper, and a healthy dose of fresh, grated Parmesan. (That is, of course, if there is no fresh Alfredo sauce available.) <br />
~ I have also been eating a lot of avocados; sometimes scooped right out of the skin with a spoon, sometimes carefully diced and drowning in red wine vinegar and seasoned salt. <br />
~ Oh yeah, and these super-thin organic corn chips with a dip i make out of sour cream with some "Condimento Completo" in it (whose first ingredient is MSG...a fact I did not discover until I had tasted it, fallen in love with it, and then bought a jar of my own. *sigh*). <br />
~ I also discovered these nifty "steam in the bag" sides at Target that are useful as entire single-serving meals. I really like the Thai veggies & rice one. Too bad Target is such a trek for me. :/ <br />
<br />
I could go on, but I'll stop...have I mentioned that I'm a foodie?<br />
<br />
<b><br />
Intuiting</b> <br />
<br />
Apparently there has been a return of paranormal activity in our house. Years ago we had a lot of weird things happen (mainly through electronic devices) but then a psychic friend said "he just wants to be acknowledged"...so we made an effort to acknowledge him, and miraculously, the weird shit stopped.<br />
<br />
Well, recently, my almost-4-year-old son has had some scary experiences at night. He woke up Daddy (who sleeps with him) and, terrified, spoke of a "scary guy looking at me" from the hallway. 4-5 nights in a row. Anyway, we did a whole-house smudging with white sage, chanting "EVIL SPIRITS, I BANISH YOU!" over and over and over, and they started sleeping with the door shut. Problem solved (or at least masked). For now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-43504030880118120072012-01-25T18:02:00.001-05:002012-01-25T20:14:38.831-05:00It's a New Year, and I Quit Smoking!My life has changed a lot just in the past few weeks. Why? Because I quit smoking on New Years Day. Yup, that's right. If you never knew I smoked, well, ya do now. (Woohoo!) I smoked full time for 13 years. It was part of me -- part of my identity (you know, that dark genius vibe - HEH), a major part of my mood-stabilizing medication regimen, and a BIG source of shame for me. BIG. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm04dLRJuRGwPMAAN1AHGLzKNKE26wfIBjd8ovuhPtSrisskWhBUDaz-GqibhlRByMBBqwrROxYOS3WnrZyFfz7tKRd-_kDVGK5aZiXxiyU1X5rfCVQ8jQkgVqMsuqL2sr4_sxoIstF99r/s1600/390.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="300" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm04dLRJuRGwPMAAN1AHGLzKNKE26wfIBjd8ovuhPtSrisskWhBUDaz-GqibhlRByMBBqwrROxYOS3WnrZyFfz7tKRd-_kDVGK5aZiXxiyU1X5rfCVQ8jQkgVqMsuqL2sr4_sxoIstF99r/s400/390.JPG" /></a></div><br />
This is me sitting in my chair on the back porch, ritualistically smoking my <i>Last Cigarette</i> on New Years Day (in the morning...I am also hungover. The plan was to smoke my last one right before bed the night before, but I drank a whole bottle of champagne on an empty stomach and didn't even make it to midnight....yeah.....)<br />
<br />
So, it's been quite an experience so far. I have had days where I am totally confident, days where I suddenly dipped into a severely depressed state, days when I feel like a heroin addict must feel while detoxing (I don't really know how else to describe it...like feeling like I wanted to jump out of my own skin). I made it through those infamous "first 3 days", slipped on day 7 (BAD, BAD day. freaking out. but that cig tasted like ashes, so that was a good thing to experience), then again on day 10 (this neighbor bitch stole my cell phone and we were dealing with the cops...again, the cig tasted like an ash tray). So then I make it to the 2 week mark. I have made it through both of the "hardest" parts. But yet, I still have cravings. STRONG cravings. The nicotine gum and lozenges don't hit me fast enough when I really, really need a nic hit QUICK. <br />
<br />
I guess the difference now, is that I am <i>used to</i> not being able to smoke. I'm just used to having to deal with the cravings. The cravings still totally suck. Even typing this, all I want to do it go light up. I keep reminding myself about how bad it tasted those 2 times I slipped, and how I can still get that nicotine through a piece of gum or a lozenge (but that is so TIME CONSUMING -- it takes 30 minutes to get the full dose from one of those things!). So, on top of all my other meds, I'm somehow surviving, but my moods are all over the place and my mental illness is more apparent now than it has been in a loooong time. Just like I was afraid it would be. And I hate it. I mean, I gave up a mood stabilizing drug that has been coursing through my brain on a regular basis since before my brain was fully formed. (I think. I'm actually not sure at what age the brain is fully formed, but I was 16 when I started smoking regularly, and hooked at 17.) <br />
<br />
I have had a lot of anger and resentment surrounding my quitting, actually. I did not quit because I wanted to. I did not quit because I was ready to. I quit because I felt like I HAD to. We simply cannot afford to support my smoking habit anymore. We are living on grants and loans as my husband finishes college. Smoking is too expensive. The guilt about the money we were spending on cigarettes was suddenly too much. Then, of course, there is the shame and humiliation of being a smoker when the rest of my life/social circle/philosophies are soooo nowhere NEAR smoke-friendly. (I AM bipolar, you know. ha. ha.) It was the one vice I had brought with me from my youth. Of course I could see all the good things about quitting. But I DIDN'T WANT TO. So, as a result, I often have periods of sullen resentment toward...my family? society? the world? existence? I didn't want to quit. I wasn't ready.<br />
<br />
This is an excerpt from an email I sent to a friend several years ago, trying to explain my addiction to her:<br />
<br />
<i>the addiction is stronger than i am. it is stronger than my love for my children. and that sucks. but, it is basically part of my treatment for my crazy-lady issues, and the doctors have even told me not to worry too much about it. for some people (like me), quitting can be more detrimental than continuing to smoke, depending on the circumstances. i know it sounds totally ridiculous. the statistics about people like me (bipolar) are scary. we have shorter life spans due to reckless behavior (which i guess smoking could be considered one), and a huge majority of us smoke. <br />
<br />
for me, it was not long ago that the thought of quitting would literally cause me to panic. i want to quit for all the right reasons, but that want is only 49%... the other 51% is the addiction telling me i can't live without it, and that's the dominant part. that has caused be to become defensive about my smoking, because i KNOW it's awful but the addiction is too powerful.<br />
<br />
i have always been very self-conscious and ashamed about the fact that i smoke. i don't advertise it because i know people judge -- i'm either ignorant white trash or crazy. either way, i don't want to be judged any more than i already am for things i really CAN'T hide. not that it's that easy to hide the fact that i smoke. i know i probably stink most of the time. <br />
<br />
my mom gave me such a complex about it because she's probably the most anti-smoking person on earth. i remember her disgusted snarls when she smelled, saw, or just TALKED about smoking when i was growing up. and when i became addicted as a teenager, i was everything my mother hated. isn't that what every teenage girl wants? ;) <br />
<br />
well, that was one part of my past that i couldn't leave behind. i took the addiction and the shame into adulthood. i'm supposed to be myself and not worry about what other people think of me, but i don't want to burn bridges either, ya know? so many people have told me to get over it, own it, if they don't like me for me then sod 'em! well, that's easier said than done, especially when you want to surround yourself with positive influences, not many of which smoke (because it's bad for you and your children and it costs too much money and you stink, blah, blah, blah, thanks mom). i have always tried to be respectful of other people's hatred of smoking by not doing in front of them, going far away from them to do so, avoiding children as much as possible, etc. <br />
<br />
i recently confronted my mom about my shame, and she assured me that she doesn't see my sister and me as monsters because we smoke, and that she doesn't think i love my children any less. that made me feel better. it's ridiculous how powerful our mothers' words are, regardless of our age.</i><br />
<br />
So, I finally became (<i>deep breath</i>) <b>ready</b> after contacting the <a href="http://www.tobaccofreeflorida.com/">Florida Quitline</a>. They did a Quit Coach session with me over the phone after some initial screening questions. We went over my history and my triggers, and developed a plan. They sent me (for free) 2 weeks worth of nicotine patches and a quit smoking guide (which was very helpful -- full of checklists and exercises to help you prepare). I put the rest of the supplies I would need for the 8 week program on my Christmas list, and got them! They have an online support forum which I spent a bit of time in before my quit date came up, but have since abandoned it, for some reason (too many other social networks?). I had a few weeks to mentally prepare, and when Quit Day came, I was ready.<br />
<br />
Anyhoo, that's all I have to say about that right now. I have a whole 'nuther post planned about all the awesome changes that have occurred since I quit. There was a day a few weeks ago when I cried to my husband, saying "Why didn't I do this sooner?"...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-92012566481551712552012-01-24T18:51:00.006-05:002012-01-25T20:32:06.472-05:00Blog Makeover AmendmentLast year, in <a href="http://sahmhoodadventures.blogspot.com/2011/05/blog-makeover-and-flats-and-handwashing.html">this post</a>, I wrote this:<br />
<i><br />
"I have taken some time this morning to make a lot of changes here on my blog in order to make it more...appropriate...for the public eye. I hid several posts that are very personal and/or FML-style venting. I want to be able to use this blog for positive things, more like recording the happy memories and successful accomplishments, as well as participating in all these fun blog events I keep seeing." </i> <br />
<br />
Yeeeeeeah. Wellllll, I went back and re-published most of those posts. This is MY blog, about ME. I want it to be REAL. I am nutty, so my blog is allowed to be all over the map, too. And over the past year or so, I have learned the value of being authentic (for several reasons: the unassisted birth of my 5th child, my Nonviolent Communication study group, and the suicide of a dear friend -- the latter two will perhaps be blogged about in the future). Not only does it make the writer feel liberated, but the readers feel better, comforted, knowing that others have struggles and quirks, that they aren't the only ones that are "weird" or have shameful/embarrassing secrets. So, I will still participate in blog parties or whatever, but I don't want to mask who I really am. And truthfully, it's the "inappropriate" things that I am drawn to write about the most. So be it. :)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqt81kFkPJ8S04TX1PkW1vf001Dqpq17iFgnPTLzgHpZK_1WS0dM78aAw4HNAH8p1AqGi2JEeTvUKZhkB4r_PYjBhbxc0fBwXfH8dVt6n-zoh2VxzWr9JT0DVP56A1RULXfKukzgMGs3Na/s1600/393655_10150465309111574_628681573_9168376_1061703492_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="400" width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqt81kFkPJ8S04TX1PkW1vf001Dqpq17iFgnPTLzgHpZK_1WS0dM78aAw4HNAH8p1AqGi2JEeTvUKZhkB4r_PYjBhbxc0fBwXfH8dVt6n-zoh2VxzWr9JT0DVP56A1RULXfKukzgMGs3Na/s400/393655_10150465309111574_628681573_9168376_1061703492_n.jpg" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-25603472808379071762011-06-11T22:19:00.009-04:002012-02-13T01:50:01.491-05:00Kieran's Eczema Ointmentthis stuff is amazing. diaper rashes gone overnight (or a few nights if it's severe...also, probably not good for cloth dipes -- use a liner...well, i don't but i apply it very sparingly to only the affected areas...if thick slathering is necessary, i'll either put a paper towel in there or use a 'sposie). sore nipples, eczema (it's original intended purpose around here), zits, sunburn, chapped lips, bug bites, cuticles, cuts, scrapes. anything. you can use it very sparingly or slather it on.<br />
<br />
this is sooooo simple (a little time-consuming, though, but you can make a big batch - fill several small containers - that will last for a year or two or three...i think i've only made it 2-3 times in 6 years).<br />
<br />
you need:<br />
- calendula (marigold) petals (in bulk herb section of HFS).<br />
- olive oil (i use organic extra virgin)<br />
- beeswax (craft store - candle section. i get the unrefined yellow stuff)...you'll need to grate it - the finer the better.<br />
- lavender and/or tea tree essential oils (i only use lavender b/c we're sensitive to tto, but both have antimicrobial properties)<br />
<br />
put calendula petals in a pot, pour just enough olive oil to cover them. set on medium-low heat. as soon as the oil is hot, turn off the heat and remove the pot from the burner. let cool to room temperature.<br />
<br />
strain out petals, discard them. pour oil through coffee filter/funnel (into a mason jar).<br />
<br />
okay, you have just made calendula-infused olive oil. (calendula has awesome skin-healing properties.)<br />
<br />
next, take about the same amount of grated beeswax (packed lightly) as olive oil (cup for cup). i think i usually do about 1-1.5C of each, depending on how much oil i have.<br />
<br />
melt the beeswax (also has awesome skin-healing properties). you can either do this in the microwave or a double-boiler-type situation on the stove.<br />
<br />
mix melted wax with oil. stir (i use a tiny wire whisk). add essential oil(s). i add a lot, probably a teaspoon (~25 drops). it will start to turn whiteish as it cools, but don't let it get too cooled before you...<br />
<br />
pour into containers; i have used old (cleaned out) ointment/cream jars, and baby food jars, etc.<br />
<br />
when it sets (cools), it might have a kind of hard layer on top that you might have to pop your finger through. if you are OCD about consistency, you will painstakingly break up all lumps and make it all nice and smooth with a cheese spreader or something. if it's really too hard, you can re-melt it all and add more oil. way too soft, re-melt and add more wax. yes, it's a PITA if you don't get it perfect the first time, but it's worth it, since like i said, it will last you a looong time and i swear it heals anything on the skin.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
have fun, and happy healing!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-25417168528576434352011-06-03T13:19:00.001-04:002012-02-13T01:50:01.492-05:00Conclusions from the Flats and Handwash ChallengeMy answers to the exit survey (a lot of the questions did not offer an exact answer for me, so I had to choose the closest answer):<br />
<br />
<b>General</b><br />
<br />
- I took this challenge because I wanted to prove handwashing is possible for low income families. <br />
<br />
- I had never used flats before this challenge. <br />
<br />
- One "newborn" participated (well, she's 6 months old, but not crawling yet, so...)<br />
<br />
- The poop situation was "newborn/breastfed" (technically, she's an early eater, but just barely, so not enough to be considered "peanut butter poop" ;))<br />
<br />
- Rashes: we did not have rashes before or during the challenge.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Flats</b><br />
<br />
- How many? I said "20-24"<br />
<br />
- What kind? 20 flour sack towels and a few Gerber Birdseye flats used as doublers for night time.<br />
<br />
- I estimated that I spent "1-3 hours" (total) researching folds. <br />
I perused different tutorials for a while a few times, experimented with folding, then tried out several folds on the baby in the weeks before the challenge began.<br />
<br />
- The fold I used the most was ("other")the angel fold<br />
...basically the pad fold with the top corners pulled out to make a poo pocket. :) However, I did have to make an adjustment to the rise of the dipe, which meant that there were only 6 layers in the very front, 12 right at her pee exit area :) and then about 4 layers at the back.<br />
<br />
- The hardest part about using flats was "learning how to use them."<br />
<br />
- Covers: I used "sized PUL covers" (Thirsties velcro, size medium)<br />
<br />
- Accessory I feel is a must: "drying rack" <br />
It was great to have a portable drying rack that I could hang the dipes on straight from where I was washing them (if desired) and then follow the sunlight around the yard if I needed to. (I would have said washboard if that had been an option, because I thought it was really great for scrubbing poo stains out.)<br />
<br />
- Estimated value of my flats challenge stash: "$75-100"<br />
<br />
$20 ..... 20 dipes (<a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-5pk-Flour-Sack-Kitchen-Towel-White/14938258">flour sack towels</a>)<br />
$44 ..... 4 Thirsties covers ($11/ea at <a href="http://nickisdiapers.com/catalog.php?category=216">Nicki's Diapers</a>)<br />
$20 ..... wooden drying rack (like <a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-27-Drying-Rack/15819209">this one</a>)<br />
$10 ..... washboard (new, from our local flea market...unable to find web link, sorry)<br />
<b>$94 ..... TOTAL</b><br />
<br />
Ideally, I would suggest 25 dipes, 5 covers, and 2 drying racks, which would put start-up costs at $120...and this also does not account for wipes (mine are double-layer flannel, mostly handmade by me out of old receiving blankets, so essentially this could be "free"), and soap (both for wipe solutions and washing the dipes), but I guess people would already have some baby shampoo and laundry detergent on hand...<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Washing</b><br />
<br />
- My washing method: "sink with hands"<br />
I washed in the kitchen sink the most times (as described <a href="http://sahmhoodadventures.blogspot.com/2011/05/what-ive-learned-so-farday-5-of-flats.html">here</a>), but I did try the "bathtub with hands" method once, for the very last washing (described <a href="http://sahmhoodadventures.blogspot.com/2011/05/wrapping-it-up-day-7-of-flats-challenge.html">here</a>).<br />
<br />
- I disposed of solid waste by: "dunk and swish" <br />
(Actually, there wasn't much solid waste, as baby is EBF'ed and having tiny tastes of solids now, but I pre-rinsed the poopy dipes in the bathroom sink to make it easier to scrub the stains off, and "dunk and swish" was the closest answer to that.)<br />
<br />
- How hard was handwashing (scale of 1-5)? I said "3" because the actual handwashing wasn't difficult, in theory, but it was <i>quite </i>hard on my back.<br />
<br />
- How time-consuming was handwashing (scale of 1-5)? I said "3" here too. <br />
I found the washing/wringing/hanging to be quite time-consuming, but I tried to compare it to the involvement of resetting the washing machine, adding soaps and such, transferring to dryer, waiting and waiting and waiting...so I figured it's not <i>that </i>much worse than machine-washing, just that it occurs in a more concentrated time frame.<br />
<br />
- How clean were my diapers (scale of 1-5)? I said "5 - very clean." <br />
Whatever minor staining I did not scrub off with soap and the washboard got sunned out while they were drying.<br />
<br />
- I washed "whenever it was convenient and dried outside." <br />
I did end up having to bring the racks in to finish drying after sunset a few times, and once, I had to dry inside the whole time because it was monsooning outside, heheh. <br />
<br />
- The most difficult part of handwashing: "the physical effort" (with "the time commitment" being a close second). <br />
As I have said before, I have a bad back. 'Nuff said. <br />
<br />
- The <i>least </i>difficult part of handwashing: "getting the diapers clean." That was surprisingly easy.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Impressions/Opinions</b><br />
<br />
- Do I think others could do this if they had to if they were given the proper education and tools? Absolutely!!!<br />
<br />
- If I was in a washerless situation, would I do this full time? As much as possible. <br />
(This is one of those things that I feel I can't answer in absolutes due to differing possible circumstances, like whether there is <i>any </i>money for back-up 'sposies, etc., because if there wasn't, I would definitely do this full time, but if there was...well, I might need to give my back a break every now and then.)<br />
<br />
- The most surprising aspect of this challenge? That my diapers were clean! <br />
I don't know why this was so surprising; I mean, everyone used to handwash everything and things got clean, duh. I guess I just figured it would take a lot more effort than it did to get them clean...it really puts into perspective how dependent we have become on modern technology, because really, a human can do a <i>better </i>job than a machine at many things (think: attention to detail ;)), getting stuff clean included.<br />
<br />
- I washed "10+" flats at one time (once as many as 20! <i>That </i>was cutting it close!). <br />
I think if I were to do this all the time (use flats, I mean, not the handwashing part), I would definitely not want to wait that long...I'd aim to wash every 1.5-2 days (<i>tops</i>), so that I would not be so anxious about things getting dry by the time I needed them (I was totally imagining having baby wear a regular kitchen towel if it got to that!). Luckily, flats dry fast. ;)<br />
<br />
- It took my flats "2-3 hours" to dry. <br />
In all honesty, I might have been able to answer "less than 2 hours," but I didn't pay that much attention to them and wasn't checking on them at regular intervals. I just waited several hours (probably 2-3), checked them, and they were dry. The times I had to bring them in because it got dark, or the time I had to dry them indoors completely, it may have taken slightly longer, but again, I don't really know...(apparently I'm lazy! LOL)<br />
<br />
- I washed "2-3" covers at a time, which could be rather nerve-wracking since I only had 4 (my 5th cover was just a big wool soaker for use over the night diaper, was not terribly useful for anything else, since I couldn't find a fold that worked with pins/snappis that was useful, absorbancy-wise). I would have to carefully examine the covers before a washing to see which ones needed it most (e.g. ones that had gotten poo on them, which I carefully wiped off so they could be used again before washing time rolled around). Only once did I have to was 3 at once, and it was nerve-wracking.<br />
<br />
- I approximated that it took my covers "3-5 hours" to dry. <br />
The parts that took the longest to dry were the edge bindings and (especially) the front panel where the velcro is, as it is double-layered there. I imagine the Thirsties covers are among the fastest-drying PUL covers, though, as the inner layer is slick and not absorbent (unlike the Bummis covers, for example, which are very difficult to wipe out and reuse in the case of a major poo-splosion, and would, IMO, not be suitable for using in this type of [flats/handwash] situation). <br />
<br />
- My favorite thing about the challenge: "storing flats" (i.e. seeing them neatly folded in a stack on the changing table shelves?). <br />
I didn't really like this question's answer options (washing, folding, hanging); I wish it had an "other" fill-in-the-blank option, in which I would have said "The sense of good that I was doing, treading lightly on the Earth as well as our pocketbook." ;) <br />
<br />
- My <i>least </i>favorite thing about the challenge: the handwashing (ahem, BAD BACK).<br />
<br />
- Will I continue to use flats in my every day diaper rotation? Maybe. <br />
There were many pros about using flats, including the ease of getting them clean due to being one layer, the natural material of the dipes (which to me would imply that stripping would rarely be needed), the low cost of flats, the versatility of items that can be used as flats (e.g. flour sack towels that I used, or flannel receiving blankets which can be acquired very easily, cheaply, or sometimes free if you have the right hook-up! I discussed this in <a href="http://sahmhoodadventures.blogspot.com/2011/05/blog-makeover-and-flats-and-handwashing.html">this post</a>). <br />
On the other hand, I do enjoy the convenience and cuteness of my pockets (Fuzzibunz) and all-in-ones (Bumgenius), but don't particularly like the fact they are made entirely of synthetic materials, which make them hot and sweaty in the summertime (and not too Earth-friendly), and they need to be stripped a lot, due to residue build-ups and the resulting stinky smells (which I admittedly use bleach for, <i>occasionally</i>, depending on the severity of the stink). [Haha, in that last sentence I was talking about Earth-friendliness, then mentioned using bleach. Ha. I'm so paradoxical.] The stink, in fact, has in the past caused me to switch entirely to natural materials (cotton fitteds and wool soakers), but our house has been re-piped since then, and a filter installed, so our "bad water" issues are no more, making synthetic dipes possible to use again. At this point, I don't know what my diaper stash will look like when baby outgrows her current ones...0<br />
<br />
And, last question (other than my personal comments, which I think I have addressed well enough in this post!):<br />
Would you like more information about donating to <a href="http://www.facebook.com/GivingDiapersGivingHopeFoundation?sk=info">Giving Diapers, Giving Hope</a>, a foundation helping provide cloth diapers to those in need? I said YES!<br />
<br />
Thank you so much to Kim at <a href="http://dirtydiaperlaundry.com/">Dirty Diaper Laundry</a> for organizing this wonderful learning experience!<br />
<br />
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-39781180736546646702011-05-30T12:06:00.002-04:002012-02-13T01:50:01.494-05:00Wrapping It Up: Day 7 of the Flats ChallengeTomorrow morning I will be dumping diapers into the washing machine for the first time in over a week. WHEW. My back is <i>killing</i> me. I know that if I <i>had </i>to handwash in order to cloth diaper, I would. But man. Mother Nature blessed me with a slightly crooked spine, and that makes this kind of thing extra stressful and painful. I would probably have to experiment more with washing methods to figure out which is the least stressful on my back, as I only did the kitchen sink method (as described in the previous post), and then the bathtub just once (this last washing...which I waited waaay too long to do and ended up with 20 dipes to wash!). Regretfully, I didn't take any pictures of the <b>bathtub method </b>(sorry -- i know, bad blogger!), but I will describe it in detail below:<br />
<br />
1. Dump out wet pail in tub to drain. Lean on pile of wet dipes to help squeeze out excess water (the poopy ones had been pre-rinsed in the sink prior to being thrown into the wet pail).<br />
<br />
2. Plug drain and start hot water running, with lye soap bar sitting in the tub near the faucet. Place washboard in tub in scrubbing position. Separate the poopy dipes to one side of the washboard -- these will be soaped and scrubbed first to provide more suds for the rest of the stuff. (Trying not to over-soap again.) Shut off water when everything is covered (about 6" deep).<br />
<br />
3. Soap the board and scrub each poopy diaper until all the poop is out. Do the same for poop-stained wipes, and nursing pads (not that <i>they </i>are poo-stained, just that I want to make sure they're extra clean). Stir everything together for a minute in the hot soapy water using large, wooden laundry paddle (I felt like I was sitting on the edge of a canoe, paddling the inside of it, heheh). Drain water, sweep everything to the end of the tub away from the drain, knead/press/squeeze out remaining water.<br />
<br />
4. Replug drain, turn on warm water again. Fill to about 6" again, and shut off water. Stir with laundry paddle for a minute or two, lifting and dunking each dipe by hand. Drain water, sweep everything to the end of the tub away from the drain, kneed/press/squeeze out remaining water.<br />
<br />
5. Repeat #4 for second rinse. After draining, wring each item thoroughly and toss into awaiting laundry basket.<br />
<br />
6. Set up wooden racks outside, snap out each item (3x each per diaper -- woooo! the misting!) and drape over racks neatly.<br />
<br />
<br />
I did this pretty late in the day and only had a few hours (or less) of sunshine left, so I had to bring them in and sit the racks under an A/C vent again. It was cutting it really close because I needed to have dipes dry by the time Brigit's bedtime rolled around (which is different every night, heheh). It ended up fine; the dipes were dry enough, and the covers were just slightly damp in the front velcro area, but she didn't seem to mind. :)<br />
<br />
~*~*~*~*~<br />
<br />
One thing I noticed during this last wash was that the dipes were feeling a little sticky as I wrung, snapped, and hung them up. I think there was a build-up of lye soap residue. I haven't seen any irritation on Baby's bum, nor any repelling, but I do usually use white vinegar in the first rinse cycle in my washer, so perhaps I should have been doing that with the handwashing as well. Oh well. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash (HA!) tomorrow. I mean, the fault can't be with the lye soap alone; it used to be the only option, and people still managed to cloth diaper (um...also the only option at the time ;)).<br />
<br />
I do think that if handwashing dipes became an absolute necessity for me, I would not only do lots of experimenting to find the most back-friendly method, but I would most <i>definitely </i>employ some of my children, at least <i>some </i>of the time, to help. Hey, that's why people have lotsa kids...right??? Heeheehee...<br />
<br />
Oh, and one more thing...<b><i>I am seriously considering switching to flats!!! </i></b> Like, full time! I am really impressed with them, and <i>so </i>thankful that this challenge introduced them to me! But, I will leave the details about that for my next post, in which I will publish my answers to the Challenge's exit survey. Stay tuned! :D<br />
<br />
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-46900955020473475322011-05-27T22:54:00.004-04:002012-02-13T01:50:01.495-05:00What I've Learned So Far...Day 5 of the "Flats and Handwashing Challenge"This week has been interesting. As you may know, I am taking part in the <a href="http://dirtydiaperlaundry.com/take-the-flats-and-handwashing-challenge-may-23-30/">Flats and Handwashing Challenge</a>. Lots of experimenting (but perhaps not enough), lots of aching back muscles. I have found that the actual use of the flats has been no big deal. Sure, they hold less than my fancy dipes and thus have to be changed more often, but that's okay. Brigit is not used to not having a stay-dry liner, so she "asks" to be changed more often anyway. Always keeping us on our toes, that one!<br />
<br />
My stash includes 20 (27"x28") <a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-5pk-Flour-Sack-Kitchen-Towel-White/14938258">flour sack towels</a> (which I am essentially pad-folding with an angel wing poo-pocket), 4 medium <a href="http://www.thirstiesbaby.com/products/diapers/diaper-cover/">Thirsties velcro covers</a>, and a big wool soaker (handknit by me) for over the night diaper. (I am also adding a smaller pad-folded <a href="http://www.gerberchildrenswear.com/Products/tabid/118/CategoryID/182/List/1/catpagesize/0/Level/a/ProductID/402/Default.aspx">Gerber Flat</a> (about 27"x24") inside the flour sack flat for overnight. No problems so far.) Yes, I am doing this overnight, too, even though the rules state that I don't have to. :D I realize that I could technically have one more regular cover and not count the soaker, but I already had 4 Thirsties covers and the snappi/pins thing just doesn't work well for us, so my ample supply of soakers and other pull-on covers (like these <a href="http://www.babybestbuy.com/dappi-nylon-diaper-pants-301.html?zenid=9f131246b03f0f22072e0efc4bcc9274">Dappi</a> ones) was kind of useless this week. Incidentally, I am also including my flannel wipes and washable nursing pads in the handwashing. I chose to only use my Dr. Brown's nursing pads and none of my <a href="http://www.milkdiapers.com/site/product.cfm?id=2267757B-3048-2AB2-02630B0E95941C8E">Milk Diapers</a> (which I usually use overnight) because they are thicker and I was concerned about drying time, especially if I had no direct sunshine available (which in Florida, with random thunderstorms, you just never know), I worry about mildew from the humidity and too-long drying times.<br />
<br />
This is the routine I've worked out so far (this may still change if I happen to wash again before the challenge ends):<br />
<br />
Pail: wet (also serving as presoak). I'm pretty much keeping it in the bathtub, and running more and more water into it as the day goes on to make sure everything in there stays good and saturated. I've also discovered that it makes washing easier if I rinse the poopy ones in the sink (it's EBF poo, so, not too nasty). I squirt 5-6 squirts of half-diluted Biokleen Bac-Out over the mess a few times a day, too.<br />
<br />
Wash: I am using my kitchen sink, old fashioned lye soap, and a washboard that I picked up for $10 at our local flea market. So...<br />
<br />
1. Dump soaked dipes from pail into right side of sink to drain. Meanwhile, left side of sink is filling with hot water, with the bar of lye soap sitting on the bottom of the sink.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH8UHDcwCgAWNbpiZv6J5zCnu20W4m2Jju3UM2cgCKdIWIzvYjlGM-75c7t8jL8-cysaEHWRQDz5fmRAL-KSrhDsP-4l1cKhh2Ncwel6D-Ho_RR8lGz6_PX7ScADenQ-NsRVVQ98hpj8CW/s1600/027.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="300" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH8UHDcwCgAWNbpiZv6J5zCnu20W4m2Jju3UM2cgCKdIWIzvYjlGM-75c7t8jL8-cysaEHWRQDz5fmRAL-KSrhDsP-4l1cKhh2Ncwel6D-Ho_RR8lGz6_PX7ScADenQ-NsRVVQ98hpj8CW/s400/027.JPG" /></a></div><br />
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<br />
2. Squeeze pail/presoak water out of each individual item and plop it into the hot/soapy sink. Fish out the bar of soap, lather it up (as if washing my hands) then dunk bar and sudsy hands a few times, then place soap bar at the top of the washboard on the soap lip/shelf. Washboard is now perched legs-down in the sink.<br />
<br />
3. Agitate the hot/soapy sink fulla dipes with a wooden cooking spoon. Start taking each piece and scrubbing on the washboard. Pee dipes are scrubbed very briefly, as the swishing and dunking in hot/soapy water seem fairly adequate for cleaning them. (I may skip the actual scrubbing of pee dipes next time, and stick to swish/stir/dunk.) Poopy dipes get spot treatment with soap, and extra washboard scrubbing until the poo stains are gone (taking much less work than I expected). As each piece is processed, it is re-dunked in the soapy water, wrung out, and plopped into the right sink (which has been filling with clear, cold water this whole time).<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLq_guOAeJPgl8annSewhOxtUvhtlPCuf18WsfuChNLBL_APX3zq72Zos9jBSCsT52CNJqOkm41GThoH7mkeQuyf6Lf84YvAmTRI5ZNHcNSXko_jedJngwJsjmS0OMTtT3IXFI76jqBbwx/s1600/030.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="400" width="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLq_guOAeJPgl8annSewhOxtUvhtlPCuf18WsfuChNLBL_APX3zq72Zos9jBSCsT52CNJqOkm41GThoH7mkeQuyf6Lf84YvAmTRI5ZNHcNSXko_jedJngwJsjmS0OMTtT3IXFI76jqBbwx/s400/030.JPG" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAvOXNeJR2Lml589tXB90nWD-MDIjy-HbiPGHpBhaHKLGjV_0zRKri197GyB-Q3P15TYecUX1027iUnaAI1atUAsmna0qhlT1N9vMW6z79PRkwRhX67TOfPJzUkOVNC8m6A-Rwn6IPiCiW/s1600/033.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="300" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAvOXNeJR2Lml589tXB90nWD-MDIjy-HbiPGHpBhaHKLGjV_0zRKri197GyB-Q3P15TYecUX1027iUnaAI1atUAsmna0qhlT1N9vMW6z79PRkwRhX67TOfPJzUkOVNC8m6A-Rwn6IPiCiW/s400/033.JPG" /></a></div><br />
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4. Drain left (hot/soapy) sink, spray out soap residue, etc., replug and fill with clear, cold water for second rinse. Swish/knead/stir the dipes in the first rinse water (right side sink). Take piece by piece, dunk, wring, and plop into second rinse sink.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXRNl5oHaeQv4cDGx2WRgbWh5Iuo8WSPL3U1MtU9E1uLuHbrmchHCTNDroEoG3gJUT1BbxXzT1ohgLpJqUZgH374Y6bdJ38PQcmup4dUF8H77TPCKy6P0ccMUN-488uOXgm3jRiNwJqp3B/s1600/034.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="300" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXRNl5oHaeQv4cDGx2WRgbWh5Iuo8WSPL3U1MtU9E1uLuHbrmchHCTNDroEoG3gJUT1BbxXzT1ohgLpJqUZgH374Y6bdJ38PQcmup4dUF8H77TPCKy6P0ccMUN-488uOXgm3jRiNwJqp3B/s400/034.JPG" /></a></div><br />
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<br />
5. Repeat #4 (except don't fill another sink with rinse water unless you used way too much soap originally -- don't ask how I know that :)). This time, wring extra well, and snap out a few times to get even more water out.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8TcYcCPb9mQQ5ZMo3qJvSZZE4V8M_51OrGxgyW7AlILR_O3SsXlDE9Ezt5vdKk0eG3Re8Ymh3Lt3nbzE4kYC5x_dL9Pxg_vQAYUBNJvWD0gvL_pc7ZU1D8cVWAKivvHfPG4dROK6u32Mb/s1600/035.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="300" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8TcYcCPb9mQQ5ZMo3qJvSZZE4V8M_51OrGxgyW7AlILR_O3SsXlDE9Ezt5vdKk0eG3Re8Ymh3Lt3nbzE4kYC5x_dL9Pxg_vQAYUBNJvWD0gvL_pc7ZU1D8cVWAKivvHfPG4dROK6u32Mb/s400/035.JPG" /></a></div><i>This pic would be my third rinse from day 1 when I used waaay too much soap. *blush*</i><br />
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6. Hang to dry on the wooden drying rack. I have two of them and ended up using both for today's wash, as I waited a little longer than before and the one rack was pretty crowded before anyway. Place rack in sunshine (not so today -- it started to storm just as I was finishing up the second rinse...so my racks are blocking the entryway now, positioned under the A/C vent ;)).<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY1P_VaIFXeD8czGWvoxJRHtoVv1BSBMtfjD2oTNGgWUtRUontUmc8H099BPQzE2zl13JN-TEm5UZaYCdSrw0aHp6OoBr-n3HzI_kBim8_vSJRDoQcx85sjkscQQ6_FKhjUXq9XkM2Hx1-/s1600/037.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="400" width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY1P_VaIFXeD8czGWvoxJRHtoVv1BSBMtfjD2oTNGgWUtRUontUmc8H099BPQzE2zl13JN-TEm5UZaYCdSrw0aHp6OoBr-n3HzI_kBim8_vSJRDoQcx85sjkscQQ6_FKhjUXq9XkM2Hx1-/s400/037.JPG" /></a></div><i>Please pardon the naked 3-year-old in the background. LOL</i><br />
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The whole process takes 1-1.5 hrs and <i>really </i>hurts my back (remember, my spine is a chiropractor's challenge and is easily strained by moderate physical labor). That, and my baby inevitably started to fuss/whine/cry at some point during each washing session, when I would attempt to employ various older siblings to play with her and keep her happy for <i>just a few more minutes...</i> She did end up on my hip for a few stages of each washing session, which made it take that much longer. I know I could have put her on my back in the Ergo, but...well, I didn't. I was afraid the double strain on my back by wearing a 21 lb fatty on my back while hunching over the sink would end up forcing me to drop out of this challenge. :(<br />
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Like I said, I may be tweaking things a little more before Monday morning rolls around... (and PS - I might add more pics later ;))<br />
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-88372956013830849262011-05-27T20:37:00.006-04:002012-02-13T01:32:58.947-05:00"Big Families are the New Green" (Part 1)<i>These are my (rather long-winded) thoughts in response to </i><a href="http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/magazine/big_families_are_the_new_green/"><i>this article</i></a>.<br />
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~*~*~*~*~*~<br />
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<i>Cars Count</i><br />
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I have often thought about how "efficient" it is that we cram 7 people into one vehicle on a regular basis. Sure, our 10-year-old minivan gets a measly 15mpg on average (city), but that's actually better per capita than a family of four driving a 45mpg hybrid (if my mental pseudo-math is correct). We do go places often, unlike the author of the article suggests. I try to get out of the house every day, even if only to the grocery store (and that, preferably with just one or two children in tow). We go to parks, homeschool events, the library, and playdates at friends' houses. And these things are located all over the metropolis, which isn't very green, perhaps, but at least our metropolis is relatively small compared to most -- the furthest we ever go is 30 minutes or less away from home, most being 5-15 minutes. <br />
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I have dreams of owning a Toyota Highlander Hybrid someday (seats 8 ;)), but that's like, what, $35,000? Not happening anytime soon. :/ My husband's car might not get much better gas mileage than our van, but he often fills it to capacity to go work out at the YMCA (while children play with friends in Childwatch). He drives to class at the college, yes. I have repeatedly considered becoming a one-car family, but just don't see how we could swing it without some major inconveniences. Not to mention that the resale value of our second car (9 years old) is pretty low, especially considering how many repairs it needs that we cannot afford on our current starving-student budget. The profits we would earn from its sale would not be worth it. Anyway, the point is that our big family makes the most of our vehicles. :)<br />
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<i><br />
Economy Size</i><br />
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Yes, it takes the same amount of electricity to light and cool (or heat, for a very brief part of the year) our home, no matter how many people inhabit it. We definitely use more water than most families, at least for laundry. I estimate that we have 10-15 loads of laundry to wash per week. We do have a "super capacity" washing machine, but it is an old-fashioned, lotsa water and agitator washer. We actually have an energy star certified washing machine in the garage that we purchased a few years back when hubby was working for Sears as a lawn and garden appliance repair technician (the job that he lost due to lay-offs in May 2009). We discovered, after 6 months of use, that this type of machine does not work for our needs right now. It does not get the job done for diapers or our children's filthy clothing. It will sit and collect dust in the garage until our current washer dies, or our children grow older and get less dirty, heh (and are all out of diapers). Either that, or we'll sell it...that's actually more likely.<br />
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As for bathing, that's another area where we are perhaps less than green. When the children were younger, we would combine their baths, to the point that it probably equaled an average-sized family's bathing habits. Nowadays, though, and perhaps this is just because it's Springtime and thus wonderful outside play weather, but the children are getting terribly dirty, and sometimes require 2 baths a day! Lately, before we can go anywhere, I have to do a wash face/hands/feet marathon with the children. Boy, do they love dirt. :D We still combine baths, though, and are now transitioning to showers often, which, with our low-flow shower heads, I'm hoping use less water than their "up to your belly-button" baths. <br />
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Then there's dishes. I think we only use about 1-1.5 dishwasher loads a day, but i'm sure we'd produce more if I cooked/baked from scratch more often (which would certainly be a greener choice, and is definitely a goal!).<br />
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<br />
~ To be continued... ~Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-20018356497312507882011-05-08T01:03:00.001-04:002011-05-28T09:51:49.486-04:0010 Things About Me...(and some thoughts on evil perfectionism)I keep meaning to get on here and blog. I have sooo many ideas for things to blog about. I want to systematically document every "journey" I've taken toward every thing/value/philosophy in my life that I hold dear. My problem? I am a perfectionist. All of these articles I want to write will take time and thought. Those two things are hard to come by in my life. :) So, I rationalize, "I can't blog today because I won't have time to finish." (And I <i>really hate</i> not being able to finish something...I have what they call a "completion compulsion". And, of course, as I type this my baby is crying for me.....aaand, now we're NAK. :)) Well, that's gotta stop. I want to have a blog. I want to get these thoughts off my chest. I want to document my life. I love to write. I think I'm pretty damn good at it, too. And there's just something <i>so very</i> satisfying about clicking "publish post" and then seeing it in all its html glory. :D <br />
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So I have to get over it. I have to settle for less than my expectations. As my mother has said many times (and I have since made it my housework motto), <i>"A half-assed job is better than none."</i> So today, I am going to list (oooh, lists...I <i>love </i>lists) 10 things about me. And that's it. No long chapter for my biography today. So. Here goes...<br />
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- My family goes through at <i>least </i>12 loads of laundry per week, and there's <i>always </i>a mountain of "miscellaneous" stuff in the laundry room.<br />
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- I'm a fantastic cook, but the (<i>ahem</i>) joy of cooking is greatly reduced by the necessity of it and my small, cluttered kitchen. I'm <i>not </i>so great with baking. :/<br />
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- I have been sewing since I was a little girl (making doll clothes with my grandmother), but I'd say I'm still at a beginner/intermediate level. Curves and gathers scare me. I need to conquer those fears. :P I do have a nice machine, though. Oooh, and I <i>really </i>want a serger.<br />
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- I <i>looove </i>emoticons. ;D<br />
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- I also love to type how I talk. So I am usually aware of any improper grammar/punctuation that I use....and I'm doing it for a reason. So there. :D<br />
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- I have a tendency to get really excited about an idea or project, then lose steam and abandon it. I could probably open a store with all my abandoned projects. I'm reeeeally hoping this blog does not become merchandise. (I think that, considering I have been blogging on and off for over 5 years already, we're probably safe. ;))<br />
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- I suffer from chronic back pain due to mild scoliosis that makes housework difficult and/or painful. This often makes me feel lazy and inadequate.<br />
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- I like to choose the lazy way of doing things. Like co-sleeping; I'm not going to get up a million times a night to feed and comfort my baby when I could do the same thing while lying half-asleep in my own cozy bed. And unschooling...who wants to deal with assignments or teach formal lessons on a regular basis? Not I, said the little red hen.<br />
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- My house is usually a mess, ranging from a simple mess to an <i>O to the MG</i> disaster. My children pretty much couldn't care less about the state of things, but it drives me batshit.<br />
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- I have known my husband since 6th grade. He thought I was gorgeous and I thought that was creepy. :) 10 years later, we finally got together...and the rest is history.<br />
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Is that 10 things already? Awesome. I'm done! Good night.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-3444434162739914072011-05-04T13:17:00.010-04:002012-02-13T01:50:01.496-05:00The Flats and Handwashing Challenge! (and a tiny blog makeover)<strike>I have taken some time this morning to make a lot of changes here on my blog in order to make it more...appropriate...for the public eye. I hid several posts that are very personal and/or FML-style venting. I want to be able to use this blog for positive things, more like recording the happy memories and successful accomplishments, as well as participating in all these fun blog events I keep seeing </strike>. <i> (see <a href="http://sahmhoodadventures.blogspot.com/2012/01/blog-makeover-amendment.html">this post</a>.)</i><br />
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Example: <a href="http://dirtydiaperlaundry.com/take-the-flats-and-handwashing-challenge-may-23-30/">The Flats and Handwashing Challenge</a>. (Thank you to <a href="http://sashabreeze.blogspot.com/">One Rich Mother</a> for the heads up!) I have purchased 20 <a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-5pk-Flour-Sack-Kitchen-Towel-White/14938258">flour sack towels</a> (about 27"x28") for a grand total of ~$20, and I'm gearing up to do this challenge, May 23rd-30th. The goal of the experiment is to prove that poor families who struggle to afford disposable diapers for their babies can save money (and help the earth!) by using cloth diapers, <i>even if they have no washing machine</i>. And as I have proven above, a modest stash of flat diapers can be purchase new for about the same cost as 2 weeks worth of name-brand disposables. Covers are a different story, though...<strike>I will be using self-made wool soakers and pull-on Dappi nylon covers that I already own. If one can knit, wool yarn for one soaker can be purchased for $4 on sale, and the Dappi covers are <i>super </i>cheap as far as decent covers go...but they do run big. I got all of mine <a href="http://www.babybestbuy.com/dappi-nylon-diaper-pants-301.html">here</a>.</strike> <i>I ended up using my <a href="http://www.thirstiesbaby.com/products/diapers/diaper-cover/">Thirsties covers</a> instead, because I rediscovered my hatred of Snappis.</i><br />
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The reason behind using flats is that they are the easiest to handwash, being only one layer of fabric (requiring less agitation than multi-layer diapers). Also, they are the easiest form of cloth diaper to come across, since all they are is a big square of cotton fabric, and anything from dish towels to t-shirts to receiving blankets can be used as such. Flannel receiving blankets, in fact, are typically 30"x30", which is the <i>perfect </i>size for a flat diaper, and such blankets are popular baby shower gifts that are practically useless after the first month or two of a baby's life. Therefore, they are cheap and easy to come by in thrift shops and garage sales (or a friend's attic ;)).<br />
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I am choosing to participate in this challenge to help contribute to the data collected to prove that cloth diapers are doable even on the tightest budget. Being poor is near and dear to my heart; I have been dirt broke multiple times in my adulthood, right now being one of those times (hubby is a full-time student, so our income consists of grants, loans, and other types of government assistance). I am thankful to already own a decent stash of CDs, and was even able to squeeze out the funds to purchase supplies for this challenge (and they weren't that much! I spent $30!).<br />
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I want to go to our local flea market and buy a washboard (~$10) to use during the challenge. I plan on using lye soap, too (which I already own). That way, I'm not only participating in the challenge, but I'm also getting to experience what it was like to wash diapers back in the pioneer days (an age with which I am thoroughly obsessed). :D I will be washing the dipes in my double kitchen sink with said washboard and lye soap. I'd originally planned to buy a washtub as well, in order to get the full pioneer experience, but then I realized that that would require hauling water, and...well...no thanks. :)<br />
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And now, I am going to go throw all my new "flats" into the washer (<i>gasp!</i>) for a prepping. :)<br />
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<!-- end InLinkz script -->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5829785877184145905.post-78910395538554775632011-03-20T11:51:00.003-04:002012-01-25T15:48:56.496-05:00right now all i can think about.......is how much shit my kids are going to talk about me to their friends and spouses when they grow up. i just have to be prepared for that i guess. "my mom is/was NUTS!" everyone talks shit about their mom, right? or maybe i'm hanging around with all the wrong people. maybe eventually i'll do enough right by them that the good will outweigh the bad in their memories.<br />
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and then i start to think about how much i wish that they won't have to struggle with mental illness. it is torture. i am in my own personal hell every day. i never know when a trigger will come up, or how well i'll deal with anything in particular. i'm such a bitch. and i feel selfish and guilty for not being able to "do it all". for depending unfairly on my husband to pick up my pieces, when he's not exactly in the best place either, mentally. i think the kids have driven us both crazy, and now there's no way out. that's how i feel right about now. i almost want him to go nuts because i'm going nuts so he can see what i've been going through all these years with his temper. you think i need help? look in the mirror first. we can get help together, how bout that?<br />
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these are the times when my mother's words come back and haunt me over and over. i shouldn't have had so many kids. i can't handle it. maybe she was right. well, mom, you should have done a better job preparing me for adulthood then, huh? see, there i go looking for someone to blame. people can always find ways to blame their parents. it's their fault, even if they didn't mean any harm. that's one more judgment i'll have to prepare myself for someday. i'm ruining my kids, despite "doing my best", but my best is piss poor. and they will be crazy motherfuckers too. and it's my fault. cuz i had too many kids. (and didn't finish college.) and they'll blame me. one way or another.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0