Saturday, September 2, 2006


I haven't blogged in a while, so I guess it's time. I've been "super-duper, twenty-hundred, super, SUPER" busy lately (<---quoting Robby there). I've graduated from physical therapy for my back and am on to massage therapy and a regular exercise regime. I'm wearing myself out at the gym and having some sharp pains in my back again, but my butt's getting firmer (hooray!!). Hope I blow Drew away with my new HARD BODY when he gets home (note sarcasm).

I've been getting a lot of help from various military-related organizations, who have been bringing meals and paying for a cleaning service. That's REALLY helped a LOT. Now I have TIME to go to the gym and work on organizing all of our shit. I pretty much finished redecorating the master bedroom, dark red being the main color with browns and tans to accent. It's going to be such a nice sancuary for us when Drew gets home. Only TWO MORE MONTHS, by the way! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that I have an approximate return time-frame, I really have something to look forward to, and I'm counting DOWN the days, instead of just UP. I'm feeling a little pressured to get certain things done in this timeframe, and that's good 'cause it's motivating. I haven't even cried in several weeks, I think, although that kinda worries me, as if it's been too long and the clouds are ready to burst at any moment.

Things, all around, have been better now that all this help has enabled me to gain control of my life (somewhat). Certain songs still make my heart wrench, and I really am not listening to a lot of country music lately because it's mostly too emotional for me. And I still don't want to hear about anyone else's romance/sex life, unless it's a lack thereof (because with THAT I can sympathize!)! I've basically become accustomed to being numb about other people's problems.

One certain friend has pointed out repeatedly that I have become a real bitch. Oh well. I don't have it in me to care. The only person I REALLY care about thinking I'm a bitch isn't around to see it, AND if he WERE here, I'm certain that bitch in me would pack her bags and make like a bird. So in the meantime, I guess I'll just be a bitch. People really should understand why. But they don't. I'm expected to go right on with my life with a big damn fake smile on my face and pretend that I'm not completely broken down inside.

But it's okay. Someday those people will have something horrible happen to them and I will be laughing inside. Yes, I am bitter. And a bitch. But so what? Love me or leave me. Karma will take care of the rest.

"So what if you can see / the darkest side of me / somebody help me tame this animal I have become.

"Somebody wake me from this nightmare / I can't escape this Hell..."

- Three Days Grace