Saturday, January 4, 2014

time-in and time-out: what's the difference, and is it really a punishment? my biased opinion


not trying to stir the pot or be a kill-joy or offend anyone or anything, but the author's oldest child is 5.  and she only has 2 of them.  and i imagine her 5 year old doesn't have rampant ADHD which seriously impedes impulse control.  time-in can be VERY useful in situations like that.  it reconnects parent/child and helps to ground the child's excess energy.  and on that note, it is fairly easy to redirect a 1-3 year old, to stop and fill their loving cup (which imo is the goal of time-in, as it includes loving physical contact and compassionate discussion). 
as for time-out, i hope for her sake that she never has a violent, defiant older child who needs to be physically isolated for the safety of the rest of the family while s/he calms down and is ready to connect with a parent and talk about what happened.  

i know my family is unique (as all families are) but it irritates me when self-righteous authors publish articles like this which can cause guilt in insecure parents who are doing what works for their family because it implies that they're dOiN iT RoNg, especially when they have extenuating circumstances involved.  her blanket labeling of these practices as "punishment" is shaming to such parents, without even addressing compassionate hybrid techniques.  because those DO exist.  i do everything she describes.  and i wonder, how exactly is she keeping them right there in front of her while they have this discussion?  is she putting her hands on them in any way?  hugging them?  holding them in her lap?  that is the very definition of time-in.  we don't even use timers for time in OR time out.  with time-out i allow them to self-regulate, and usually they are ready to talk long after the popular "one minute per year of age" time-frame is up.

i predict that, regardless of how her children's personalities develop, this author will eat her words in about 5 years, as sooo many other parents of young children do.  college education be damned, there is nothing like experiencing it first-hand, 24/7.  

that is all.

 #rambling  #soapbox  #touchysubject  #overanalyzing  #justignoreme #notenoughcoffee #kidsbeingassholesthismorning #feelingbitter #nevermind #carryon  :P