i am in a foul disposition. i am fighting with my husband over something he sees as trivial, and i'm being stubborn in wanting to get my point across, but at the same time, i am desperate to have him kiss my feet and beg for forgiveness. i feel panic because there is a conflict that is hanging in the air, as we are seperated by 500 miles and 2 busy schedules. i miss him so much it literally causes chest pain (heartache), but i am hurting and offended and wanting to make it better but not wanting to back down. what the fuck is up with these damn marital mind games?!
he'll be home in 6 days for leave and i am freaking out about THAT because we have an unresolved conflict right now. this week is supposed to be exciting and happy, preparing for a blissful 2 weeks of love and laughs (i should write greeting cards), but instead i'm depressed and laying on the couch all day waiting for him to call and apologize. he and i are both so bull-headed, though, that i feel like neither of us will EVER give in!!
every time we fight, we'll do the silent treatment thing, and 98% of the time, it's ME that gives in, just to keep the peace! every time, i tell myself..."not this time..." and everytime, i can't wait and i make the first move. the shittiest part is, though, that now he KNOWS i'll cave first. so he never will. it makes me feel like i'm the desperate, co-dependant one, and he has control of me. i HATE that!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what the fuck. i'll just go curl up inour big, empty bed and cry now. i can only take so much.
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