Thursday, July 23, 2009

friends come and go...

I have come to the conclusion that people that can't even try to handle the chaos that goes with having children, they shouldn't have them. And they especially shouldn't foster friendships with people that have lots of kids and then decide after over a year of playdates and gabfests and movie nights that they can no longer handle said chaos. It is heartbreaking. And extremely insensitive.

It seems like if one joins a moms group that is supposed to offer support for life's challenges as a mom (especially while converting your parenting style from that which one was programmed, to one that will hopefully cause less damage to one's children), one would expect to be able to open up about said challenges, and receive support. Not so here. I am feeling more isolated than ever. I have reached out for help and been judged for it. I am losing friends because my life is too chaotic. More and more, as friendships drift away, I am seeing that having four children really limits the friendship possibilities for me. Those with one child are used to times of relative peace, and the ease of trying to raise and discipline only one child. They just don't know how easy they've got it. I had only one child once. And it was hard.

But now I look at those with only one and think about how misunderstood I am in their eyes. They just don't get that my house can't possibly be as clean as theirs are. That I don't have time for hobbies or me-time. That I am a mess and regretful of having had so many kids, or, sometimes, having had kids at all. But then I remember how much more of a mess I was before I was a mom, and that having Robby saved me from certain self-destruction.

The only true, good friends I have are those who I've known all along, that have watched my children come into this world and continued to love me in spite of my ever-changing lifestyle. I am an extroverted homebody. That means I like people to come over to visit. A lot. I am also a bit of a neat-freak -- something that has been forced into relative dormancy because of the nature of my family. Therefor, I attract like-minded (or so I thought) people to cultivate friendships with, and then they decide they can't stand to come to my house because it does not qualify for an interior decorating magazine photo shoot, ever. And I just can't make it my priority in life to make sure my house is clean enough for one-child mamas to approve of.

It all comes down to the fact that I am miserable on many levels and some drastic changes need to occur.

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