1. i am very disappointed with my sister for opening her mouth about my personal business without talking to me first. she's just as bad as that bitch tamara in that aspect. like i said before, i did not intend on anyone anywhere NEAR the family finding out before i told them, and it pisses me off royally that i have NEVER been able to tell you directly. robby, it was you opening my mail, pretty sure adrienne let you know the next 2 times, and then now again. not that you've ever been genuinely happy about it. how do you figure that makes me feel? put yourself in my shoes for one minute and practice a little thing called empathy.
2. apparently i will be deleting quite a few "friends" off my facebook list, considering that i wouldn't want anyone to pass on any more slander to you (incidentally, the definition of slander is the spreading of UNTRUE information. how are my feelings slander? perhaps you should rethink your choice of words before making inaccurate accusations). unfortunately this means "cutting ties" with family members as well as friends who talk to those family members. you know, like all of my friends that adrienne is so close with now because she is capable of going out drinking and partying with them and i'm not. i will not stop sharing my thoughts and feelings with my friends, on facebook or otherwise.
3. i shared my excitement about my money because everyone knew drew's been unemployed and now he's in school (i.e. that we've been dirt poor for nearly a year now). it would look very strange if this poor family all of a sudden started buy lots of expensive upgrades. i'd rather them know i have cash than think i'm being stupid with credit cards. forgive my highly inappropriate action.
4. passive-aggressiveness is something i learned as a survival technique while i was growing up. i find it to be incredibly effective and i will use it when i deem it necessary.
5. i find it incredibly sad that i cannot get the support i need from "those who care DEEPLY about me, who have a vested interest in me and my family's well-being." i remember being called a bitch by you, a loser, quitter, and whore by dad, and also being told that the only reason that he cared at all about me was to make sure his genes were passed on into the next generation. well, looky there, he got his wish, five times over. i have felt like a disappointment to you since i hit adolescence; felt conditional love that existed only when i did something that made you proud, like make A's in school or earn my trophies at a piano recital or do well at a swim meet. i remember dad telling me what a graceful dancer i was. when i quit ballet, i quit being graceful to him, in my mind. when i quit swimming and piano, i became a failure in his eyes. and as an adult, in my own perception (which is what MATTERS to me), i have NEVER made you proud. and i am reminded of that all the time. so how exactly am i supposed to feel this "love" you speak of??? how does one abuse love that essentially doesn't exist to them? i wish you would do the research i have done and then you might understand why i am the way that i am. i am a member of a group who's motto is "be the parent you wish you'd had". chew on that.
6. my friends DO care more than you do. whether or not they come and go, the ones i have at any given time CARE. that's pretty much the definition of the word "FRIEND".
7. i do cherish my role as mother. it is my life. as far as i'm concerned, you will not be hearing much about my life and my children anymore (in case you haven't noticed the fact that i have already been keeping the conversations at acquaintance level for a few years now). i simply open myself up to criticism, shame, and rejection. you must know that a mother has incredible power over her children, regardless of age. i depended on you to keep me safe and happy from birth. i am addicted to you because that is nature. but this addiction is toxic, and i am growing up and realizing that it has done more harm than good. i so desperately want to have a loving, caring relationship with my mother, but some of the things you say and do are absolutely APPALLING to me when i try to picture myself doing the same thing to my own children. APPALLING. you are CALLOUS, and that is hurtful.
8. how dare you suggest that i soul search about modeling mature behavior for my children? i won't have my children growing up thinking it's okay to stand there and take abuse of ANY kind from ANYone, blood or not. they will know that it is okay to be upset when someone repeatedly breaks your heart, and that it is okay to remove themselves from toxic situations, that it is okay to be selfish when their well-being is at stake. it is a shame, however, that they will grow up learning these lessons by watching their mother suffer.