Thursday, June 3, 2010

My response to a friend having PL'ing issues with her 2yo

honestly (and i've been trying to avoid participating in this discussion because you know how i feel), we tried sticker charts and even candy (only with the twins), and even downright frustrated mama yelling after the zillionth "on-purpose" (not accident, which i was convinced was the case as a rebellious response to the pressure) and NOTHING worked until they were READY. until they intrinsically WANTED to use the potty. and i truly feel like all the pressure dragged the process out MONTHS longer than was necessary. the damn preschool was pressuring ME to pressure THEM, and it made the whole thing a nightmare.

robby was capable of bladder control from around 2-2.5yrs, and we started the "training", along with the preschool at age 2. it took a YEAR AND A HALF of this nightmarish hellhole of a struggle. well, a year. i totally gave up toward the end of my pregnancy with the twins, and therefore had 3 in diapers for 6 months. then, when he was 3 yrs 7 mos old, i was changing his diaper and he said: "no. i want to go to the potty." :shock: :shock: :shock: and that was that. undies from then on, and never wet his bed more than a handful of times, spaced out over months. i just KNOW that it would have been SOOO much simpler and happier if i had just WAITED for him to WANT to use the potty.

the twins took even longer. same preschool, same starting age (2). when they weren't trained yet at 3.5 years (mama was being lazy/desperate about it at home due to pregnancy and newborn), i pulled them out of the school. i was then well into my second experience with 3 in diapers. we had tried fancy sticker charts that i made on the computer with their pictures, a picture of a potty, and 100 squares for star stickers to fit in. double sided. laminated. the works. then we added in a pez candy for each "success". there was no punishment for "failures", but, as i mentioned above, i often got angry after so many "on-purposes" (esp on devin's part). all in all, kieran finally "trained" at age 3yrs 10mos, and devin at 4yrs ~2mos. talk about dragging it out!!! so that time i had 3 in diapers for almost a YEAR! and they still wet their beds a few times a month. uuuuuuuugh.

so, you see why i am not bothering with ANYTHING this time around. connor has bladder control, and he runs around naked a lot and pees all over the floor. i don't even care. upholstered furniture is quite another story though, and that's only happened 1-2x so far, and totally accidental. he almost always goes on hard floors or outside (yes, i find steaming piles of poo on occasion, and we don't have any dogs! :roll: :lol: ). if he were to start peeing on upholstery, i would simply make more of an effort to keep that diaper on (drawstring soakers/shorts, overalls, etc...).

i occasionally mention to him (when he's naked or wearing nothing but a bathing suit in the house) "if you need to go pee-pee, go sit on the potty, okay?" but that's it. no pressure, no follow-up. i just want to get it into his head that we pee on the potty. i also verbalize about what's going on when he follows me into the bathroom, and he loves to watch his brothers and daddy pee standing up (and then take the same stance, framing his junk with his hands and thrusting his pelvis forward, but nothing ever comes out). :lol: i have sat him on the potty when we are getting ready for baths, but i snatch him up immediately if he shows the first sign of fear. other than those things, which i consider to be simply acclimatization, we do nothing. we go on changing his diapers and do none of the "you are too big to wear diapers, you should be using the potty like a big boy, this is disgusting" crap, like we had done out of frustration with the other children. i find that to be shaming and therefore detrimental. i mean, i feel i have the right to react to a particularly stinky poopy diaper, but that's more of a dramatic show for fun, not for shaming or anything. he joins in, saying "ewwww! stinky poooo!" :D

i guess my point is, it sounds like dylan is feeling pressure, and is rebelling. if it were me, i would back off for a while, and just do your darndest to keep his diaper on. you can tell him (if he complains about wearing a diaper) "i'm sorry sweetie, but you have to wear this diaper until you are ready to use the potty, because i don't like cleaning up pee-pee and poopy all day long. it makes the house smell yucky, and it makes mama sad." say it empathetically, and repeatedly. you are appealing to his conscience, yes, but IMHO, that's a good thing! if he wants out of that diaper badly enough, he'll decide to use the potty. but really, it's a process in which parents have to be patient. there's no use trying to force it, and there are sooo many widely varying degrees of "force" in this department.

all of my olders just all of a sudden DID IT. on their own. when they decided they were ready. and every time, i thought "WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT STRUGGLE WHEN THEY WERE JUST GOING TO WAIT UNTIL THEY WERE READY ANYWAY??!?!" wasted time, energy, and peace, for all of us. :| my prediction (and i'd be willing to bet money on this) is that connor will PL looong before the other did. as before, i am once again pregnant during "prime" PL'ing age, and he will be only 2.75yrs when the new baby comes (4 months younger than the others were -- 3yrs ~1mo, both times), so i will continue to be "lazy" about it as i deal with 3rd trimester exhaustion and postpartum/babymooning. but i figure that even so, without the pressure, he will do it on his own, and long before 3yrs 7mos, our "record" minimum age so far. :roll: i am prepared to have 2 in diapers, which will be no different from having had twins :lol: , but i don't expect it to be for nearly as long.

OMG, sorry for writing a novel about this, esp when i'm pretty sure i've already told you most of this, if not typed it up somewhere else on the forum. :oops: i just hate to see you fall into the same trap of frustration that i did, because in the end, for me, it just.wasn' :(


No comments:

Post a Comment