My response to a friend having PL'ing issues with her 2yo

honestly (and i've been trying to avoid participating in this discussion because you know how i feel), we tried sticker charts and even candy (only with the twins), and even downright frustrated mama yelling after the zillionth "on-purpose" (not accident, which i was convinced was the case as a rebellious response to the pressure) and NOTHING worked until they were READY. until they intrinsically WANTED to use the potty. and i truly feel like all the pressure dragged the process out MONTHS longer than was necessary. the damn preschool was pressuring ME to pressure THEM, and it made the whole thing a nightmare.

robby was capable of bladder control from around 2-2.5yrs, and we started the "training", along with the preschool at age 2. it took a YEAR AND A HALF of this nightmarish hellhole of a struggle. well, a year. i totally gave up toward the end of my pregnancy with the twins, and therefore had 3 in diapers for 6 months. then, when he was 3 yrs 7 mos old, i was changing his diaper and he said: "no. i want to go to the potty." and that was that. undies from then on, and never wet his bed more than a handful of times, spaced out over months. i just KNOW that it would have been SOOO much simpler and happier if i had just WAITED for him to WANT to use the potty.

the twins took even longer. same preschool, same starting age (2). when they weren't trained yet at 3.5 years (mama was being lazy/desperate about it at home due to pregnancy and newborn), i pulled them out of the school. i was then well into my second experience with 3 in diapers. we had tried fancy sticker charts that i made on the computer with their pictures, a picture of a potty, and 100 squares for star stickers to fit in. double sided. laminated. the works. then we added in a pez candy for each "success". there was no punishment for "failures", but, as i mentioned above, i often got angry after so many "on-purposes" (esp on devin's part). all in all, kieran finally "trained" at age 3yrs 10mos, and devin at 4yrs ~2mos. talk about dragging it out!!! so that time i had 3 in diapers for almost a YEAR! and they still wet their beds a few times a month. uuuuuuuugh.

so, you see why i am not bothering with ANYTHING this time around. connor has bladder control, and he runs around naked a lot and pees all over the floor. i don't even care. upholstered furniture is quite another story though, and that's only happened 1-2x so far, and totally accidental. he almost always goes on hard floors or outside (yes, i find steaming piles of poo on occasion, and we don't have any dogs! ). if he were to start peeing on upholstery, i would simply make more of an effort to keep that diaper on (drawstring soakers/shorts, overalls, etc...).

i occasionally mention to him (when he's naked or wearing nothing but a bathing suit in the house) "if you need to go pee-pee, go sit on the potty, okay?" but that's it. no pressure, no follow-up. i just want to get it into his head that we pee on the potty. i also verbalize about what's going on when he follows me into the bathroom, and he loves to watch his brothers and daddy pee standing up (and then take the same stance, framing his junk with his hands and thrusting his pelvis forward, but nothing ever comes out). i have sat him on the potty when we are getting ready for baths, but i snatch him up immediately if he shows the first sign of fear. other than those things, which i consider to be simply acclimatization, we do nothing. we go on changing his diapers and do none of the "you are too big to wear diapers, you should be using the potty like a big boy, this is disgusting" crap, like we had done out of frustration with the other children. i find that to be shaming and therefore detrimental. i mean, i feel i have the right to react to a particularly stinky poopy diaper, but that's more of a dramatic show for fun, not for shaming or anything. he joins in, saying "ewwww! stinky poooo!"

i guess my point is, it sounds like dylan is feeling pressure, and is rebelling. if it were me, i would back off for a while, and just do your darndest to keep his diaper on. you can tell him (if he complains about wearing a diaper) "i'm sorry sweetie, but you have to wear this diaper until you are ready to use the potty, because i don't like cleaning up pee-pee and poopy all day long. it makes the house smell yucky, and it makes mama sad." say it empathetically, and repeatedly. you are appealing to his conscience, yes, but IMHO, that's a good thing! if he wants out of that diaper badly enough, he'll decide to use the potty. but really, it's a process in which parents have to be patient. there's no use trying to force it, and there are sooo many widely varying degrees of "force" in this department.

all of my olders just all of a sudden DID IT. on their own. when they decided they were ready. and every time, i thought "WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT STRUGGLE WHEN THEY WERE JUST GOING TO WAIT UNTIL THEY WERE READY ANYWAY??!?!" wasted time, energy, and peace, for all of us. my prediction (and i'd be willing to bet money on this) is that connor will PL looong before the other did. as before, i am once again pregnant during "prime" PL'ing age, and he will be only 2.75yrs when the new baby comes (4 months younger than the others were -- 3yrs ~1mo, both times), so i will continue to be "lazy" about it as i deal with 3rd trimester exhaustion and postpartum/babymooning. but i figure that even so, without the pressure, he will do it on his own, and long before 3yrs 7mos, our "record" minimum age so far. i am prepared to have 2 in diapers, which will be no different from having had twins , but i don't expect it to be for nearly as long.

OMG, sorry for writing a novel about this, esp when i'm pretty sure i've already told you most of this, if not typed it up somewhere else on the forum. i just hate to see you fall into the same trap of frustration that i did, because in the end, for me, it just.wasn't.worth.it.

HTH(?)

Painful email to my mother

1. i am very disappointed with my sister for opening her mouth about my personal business without talking to me first.  she's just as bad as that bitch tamara in that aspect.  like i said before, i did not intend on anyone anywhere NEAR the family finding out before i told them, and it pisses me off royally that i have NEVER been able to tell you directly.  robby, it was you opening my mail, pretty sure adrienne let you know the next 2 times, and then now again.  not that you've ever been genuinely happy about it.  how do you figure that makes me feel?  put yourself in my shoes for one minute and practice a little thing called empathy.

2.  apparently i will be deleting quite a few "friends" off my facebook list, considering that i wouldn't want anyone to pass on any more slander to you (incidentally, the definition of slander is the spreading of UNTRUE information.  how are my feelings slander?  perhaps you should rethink your choice of words before making inaccurate accusations).  unfortunately this means "cutting ties" with family members as well as friends who talk to those family members.  you know, like all of my friends that adrienne is so close with now because she is capable of going out drinking and partying with them and i'm not.  i will not stop sharing my thoughts and feelings with my friends, on facebook or otherwise.

3. i shared my excitement about my money because everyone knew drew's been unemployed and now he's in school (i.e. that we've been dirt poor for nearly a year now).  it would look very strange if this poor family all of a sudden started buy lots of expensive upgrades.  i'd rather them know i have cash than think i'm being stupid with credit cards.  forgive my highly inappropriate action.

4. passive-aggressiveness is something i learned as a survival technique while i was growing up.  i find it to be incredibly effective and i will use it when i deem it necessary.

5.  i find it incredibly sad that i cannot get the support i need from "those who care DEEPLY about me, who have a vested interest in me and my family's well-being."  i remember being called a bitch by you, a loser, quitter, and whore by dad, and also being told that the only reason that he cared at all about me was to make sure his genes were passed on into the next generation.  well, looky there, he got his wish, five times over.  i have felt like a disappointment to you since i hit adolescence; felt conditional love that existed only when i did something that made you proud, like make A's in school or earn my trophies at a piano recital or do well at a swim meet.  i remember dad telling me what a graceful dancer i was.  when i quit ballet, i quit being graceful to him, in my mind.  when i quit swimming and piano, i became a failure in his eyes.  and as an adult, in my own perception (which is what MATTERS to me), i have NEVER made you proud.  and i am reminded of that all the time.  so how exactly am i supposed to feel this "love" you speak of???  how does one abuse love that essentially doesn't exist to them?  i wish you would do the research i have done and then you might understand why i am the way that i am.  i am a member of a group who's motto is "be the parent you wish you'd had".  chew on that.

6.  my friends DO care more than you do.  whether or not they come and go, the ones i have at any given time CARE.  that's pretty much the definition of the word "FRIEND".

7. i do cherish my role as mother.  it is my life.  as far as i'm concerned, you will not be hearing much about my life and my children anymore (in case you haven't noticed the fact that i have already been keeping the conversations at acquaintance level for a few years now).  i simply open myself up to criticism, shame, and rejection.  you must know that a mother has incredible power over her children, regardless of age.  i depended on you to keep me safe and happy from birth.  i am addicted to you because that is nature.  but this addiction is toxic, and i am growing up and realizing that it has done more harm than good.  i so desperately want to have a loving, caring relationship with my mother, but some of the things you say and do are absolutely APPALLING to me when i try to picture myself doing the same thing to my own children.  APPALLING.  you are CALLOUS, and that is hurtful.

8. how dare you suggest that i soul search about modeling mature behavior for my children?  i won't have my children growing up thinking it's okay to stand there and take abuse of ANY kind from ANYone, blood or not.  they will know that it is okay to be upset when someone repeatedly breaks your heart, and that it is okay to remove themselves from toxic situations, that it is okay to be selfish when their well-being is at stake.  it is a shame, however, that they will grow up learning these lessons by watching their mother suffer.

and i am chastised again...(i can't do anything right!)

my post in response to mamas resisting park playdates because of shredded tires lining the playground:

"i guess i'm probably odd man out, but...


i personally don't have much of a problem with the shredded tires. i've heard all the research about the toxins, but we don't go to such parks often enough for me to be concerned. i've never had headaches, clothing stains, or stink issues from it either. my biggest complaint about it is the pieces that get into my shoes (and my kids usually end up barefoot at these parks. it really is a shame, because i personally find both san felasco and squirrel ridge to be great parks, with lots of room to run around and trails to walk, etc. i have no problem taking my kids to those two parks on occasion.

and btw (slightly OT tangent here), i was wondering, if the shredded tires are so toxic, why are they still there? anyone who's been in g-ville as long as i have may remember KidSpace, a REALLY awesome playground that was THE place to play in this town once upon a time. when they discovered toxins in the wood (or the ground, or something -- i was young), they promptly closed it and tore it down. i am wondering why this has not happened to the shredded tire playgrounds??? (or at least why they haven't proposed replacing the shreds with mulch, etc.)

sandy playgrounds have just as much risk of exposure to toxins, imho. cats poop in the sand at night and leave a toxoplasmosis buffet available to any random toddler. remember the issue at the alachua splash park where a cat tracked contaminated sand into the water area, and it cycled through the sprinkler thingies and got abunch of kids really really sick?? i bet there are some of you that said immediately that you will NEVER take your kids there again. not me. i have to trust that the city took care of that, and my children and i are looking forward to frequenting it again this summer.

and creek-stomping. my kids love it. again, i've seen the research and determined that the risk is low enough in the areas that we stomp in that i am STILL willing to allow them to do it. it's not like we do it every day, and ya know, even if we did, i still wouldn't be too worried. we have a drainage ditch behind our house on 2 sides. that is a place that i do not allow my children to play. but pollution/toxins aren't even the main reason for that. it's the extra garbage that gets thrown in there, the fact that it's a deep ravine (and thus a trip/fall risk), and it's impossible for me to supervise it from my own property without climbing a tree (and then how am i helpful if someone needs me?). but there have been times that i've gone down there with them to catch minnows for the fish tank.

i just can't justify depriving my children of a well-rounded outdoor experience just because of these things, because you never know what's going to be deemed toxic next. pretty soon there will be NO more "non-toxic" play places in the world. next thing you know, rum island or ichetucknee will be found to be full of polutants and people will freak out if they find out you go there.

maybe it's the tomboy in me, maybe the gainesville native in me, maybe it's because i became a mom at a young age and therefore never really "grew up". maybe i'm just plain ignorant... whatever you want to call it. we just can't live in bubbles. it is absolutely impossible to avoid exposure to toxins. we can make our homes and cars and diets as toxin-free as possible, but the rest of the world will never be "safe".


[rant over]


also, i DO have a problem with Hampstead. i feel uncomfortable there, because it is private property and i'm about as far from a Haile housewife as i can get without missing most of my teeth and playing a banjo. plus, there are no bathrooms, and the thought of anyone (including adults) having a bathroom emergency and then either having to drive from the middle of nowhere to a gas station or knock on some stranger's door...kwim? i've only been there once with the twins club, and it was horribly awkward. not to mention that it's located deep inside a huuuge neighborhood that's easy to get lost in. and about 25 minutes from me, in GOOD traffic. but maybe that's just me.


so, it's obious that some of us disagree about the locations. as there will always be some objections to anything, i vote to just keep it as it is and those of us who are willing to skip a social because of where it is held may do so. honestly, i won't skip a Hampstead social, since it will only be once this year. but i won't attend regular playdates there."
 
 
response to my above post:
 
"Just because something hasn't gotten shut down, that does not mean it's safe. And it's one thing to be willing to accept certain risks for yourself and your children, but to go on that people who choose to be more conscious of these things than you are depriving their children of a well-rounded outdoor experience or living in a bubble is not fair, and frankly just plain rude."
 
and my retort:
 
"i certainly didn't mean to imply that others are depriving their children of anything. it is, of course, each family's prerogative to decide where they prefer or don't prefer to go, and for whatever reason. i am simply expressing MY views; that i'm not as worried about these things as many of you are, and if that makes me seem irresponsible (or rude for saying so), i apologize. my kids (and i) get bored with the same old parks -- there was a point not too long ago when the mention of going to possum creek was met with a chorus of "NOOO! not again!!"... and thus, we haven't been there in a while.


so i like to mix things up. and it has become obvious that things need mixing up in GAP, so forgive me if i am increasingly frustrated with the fact that attempting to plan GAP events has been met with resistance in some form or another, and this is yet another example of that (the toxin issue, that is). so i got going on a tangent about it. sorry, i truly meant no offense. i suppose i should save such expressions of frustration for my personal blog.

and i was definitely not trying to be a sassafrass; my question is completely in ernest -- WHY haven't they removed the shredded tires if they are so harmful? is there something that can be done about that?"

what's new with me

NAK...

well, it's official.  we're ttc #5.  if we have the same luck we've had in the past, i'll be pg within a few weeks.  :D

excited and terrified at the same time, which i know is normal. 

wanting a waterbirth at home this time since i distinctly remember the comfort that warm water submersion provided in past labors, although i was never able to deliver in the water.  :(  i wish my awesome midwife could do homebirths.

gonna try hypnobabies CDs to ease anxieties about birth.  gotta re-read ina may's guide to childbirth -- so empowering.

getting through a cold at the moment.  saline, benadryl, ibuprofen, and codeine.  yay.

trying to help revive GAP, which has been suffering greatly as of late since the founding mama's husband is stage 4 melanoma and has very little time left.  hoping to get a planning committee up and running soon.

recently joined a newly-formed local babywearing group.  got to demonstrate slinging twinfants at the first meeting.  :D

been knitting a lot lately.  mostly soakers and toys.  bartering toys for devin's tuition at morning meadow waldorf preschool.  wish i could send both twins there next year, but waaay too expensive.  hoping to list some things in my etsy store soon.

have been listing books for sale on amazon and diapers for sale on diaperswappers.  need money!

applied for foodstamps.  hubby got laid off last may and we've been living on a very inadequate unemployment wage -- $1152/month.  not enough for 6 people.  spent up all the assets just living, so now we're just about flat broke.  :(

hubby is back in college.  criminal justice major until police academy starts in May.  having to appeal financial aid due to low GPA from 10 years ago.  waiting on GI Bill $ too.  still collecting unemployment until then.

need to have a garage sale.

yes, you could say that this is "not the right time" to be ttc.  well, bugger off.  having children is a spiritual need for me.  my calling, so to speak.  i can't wait for november when i'll be wearing and nursing my newest little'un.  <3

I got dumped by a(nother) friend.

So, my "friend" dumped me because I have too many problems...hmmm...
Here is a copy of an email I sent her after she attempted to bargain with me; to compromise so that we could remain "friends"...right...sorry lady, it's all of nuthin' here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I am having a really hard time with this. I am feeling ashamed that I burdened you with my problems and that I frustrated you by not jumping at all of your advice. The truth is that I don't feel able to discuss those things with many people, and I thought you were a good person because of your profession. And Meg seems to be sympathetic to a lot of my problems because she's been there. When the three of us get together, it is one big gabfest of problems and goings-on, and boy are y'all talkers! LOL... That was one of the first thing I noticed about you two when we started hanging out last year. Maybe after you had been hanging around each other for so long and I joined in, there was one more person to compete with for the floor. I guess I didn't see myself as contributing any more personal issues to the floor than anyone else.

And I don't expect you to fix my problems. I don't necessarily want to vent for advice -- just a listening ear and an objective opinion every now and then. I did get the feeling that you felt your advice was THE ANSWER. I could see that you were frustrated when I would protest. But I am not one to follow directions blindly. I like to consider all sides and all possibilities, and of course there are a lot of suggestions that just won't work for us, for whatever reason that you may or may not know about. Many times I may reject your advice because it's something I've already considered. I may be complaining about something because I have already examined many possibilities and rejected them for one reason or another. I look for the path of least resistance, and I often view your way as a path of a lot of resistance. So I hold out for an easier fix. If one doesn't appear, I may surrender to your advice, but by then you probably don't even know it and it won't matter anyway.

I have strong opinions about things, and certain values that are unshakable. In regards to those, I can't just throw them out the window to fix one thing that I feel will destroy another. I know I'm getting deep and philosophical now, but I guess my point is that you don't have to fix me. I think the age difference makes you feel somewhat responsible for protecting me from mistakes that you made, and that you see me as very green to the world in a lot of ways. And I know I am. I think, in that same light, that I want you and Meg to be proud of me. But I also know that I'm the oldest 27 year old I've ever met. And I have to learn by doing; learn from my mistakes. I've always been like that and I'm sure I always will be. I am also resistant to change, good or bad. It is daunting to change the way my life runs, even if it promises to make things better. I have to think about it for a long time, weigh all possibilities, and then make the leap when I'm good and ready. It is this way with everything from organizing the house to creating a schedule to rearranging the living room! I swear I went over the latest room makeover in my head for a few months before I finally did it. Of course things then look like I did them on the spur of the moment because I didn't necessarily discuss these thoughts with anyone before I acted on them, but I know that they were thought out.

And I know my own mother has a lot to do with the way I am. She was (and still is) always trying to shove HER WAY down my throat, and I'm sure that made me very resistant to following advice without carefully considering all other options. This is why I don't talk to her about things until they are already done now. And even then, I might not mention anything about anything until a "need-to-know" moment arises. I told her "Drew and I have decided to go ahead and have our fourth child" and "I'm pregnant" in the same conversation, because I didn't need to hear her lecture me about whether it was the "right" time, etc. I'd heard it all before, along with the "have you considered abortion?" (advice which I obviously didn't heed). These days our conversations are pretty limited to kiddie milestones and vegetable gardening.

I have friends who I give advice to, and they don't take it. I just sit back and watch, ever supportive, but respectful of their choices, even if I'm thinking "What a dumbass! Don't they see that I'm right? Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?!" in my head. I release my opinion out into the universe and let nature take its course. Later on, if/when they realize I was right, I laugh with them and say they can now join the "I should have listened to Michelle" club. So, you see, I have been on that end, too. I understand how frustrating it can be, but I have also learned, after many failed trys, that it's not worth me stressing about. Everyone will exercise their own free will in the end. I guess I figured everyone felt that way about advice-giving, silly me.

So I needed to get that off my chest. I knew there was something wrong over the past few months when you stopped calling and dropping by, revoked my babysitting job, and outright refused me when I have asked to come over, ignored my emails and phone calls, etc. I tried to tell my self that it was all in my head, that it was me who was becoming a hermit. At least that's what I'd hoped. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary happening that would cause such a rejection. I just thought maybe you and Meg decided you didn't like me anymore.

Then I realized that my kids were probably the culprit, and I started to make an effort to not bring all four of them to anyone's house. I guess I have a shameful attitude about them because it is so painfully obvious to me (and of course, my mother) that I have too many children and they are rambunctious, and people with less than 2 or 3 kids at home aren't accustomed to the chaos level and can't possibly truly understand how my life is. And from what they can see, they don't want any part of it. There are days when I wish it was still just me and Robby, because he's such a great kid and does so well when his siblings aren't around. Then there are other days when I wish it was just the younger three, because without Robby around, the arguing is just cute. But, like I said before, what can I do about that now? I have considered asking Drew to go live with his parents and take the twins with him, because at least that way each child would get more consistent care from one parent instead of the chaos that is our family of six. I have considered dropping Robby on his father's doorstep, but as we all know, that's just not an option. And Robby is my first baby -- I cannot abandon him. He and I really do have a good relationship when there's no one else around to stand in the way of it.

So here I am again, pouring out my troubles to you. I'm not asking for advice, just attempt to understand my viewpoint. Your friendship has been very valuable to me and I am kicking myself for screwing it all up. I am sorry that it has been so painful for you. Joining GAP has been the best thing that has happened to me as a mother, but I realize that I am too needy, and I have been projecting my lack of support on you and Meg because you are the only two in GAP that I have become even remotely close to. And it is obvious now that it has been too close for your comfort. I am working on expanding my circle of friends now, trying to find my needed support from more appropriate people, trying to keep the whining at a more casual level, spread out over more mamas so as not to burden anyone anymore.

friends come and go...

I have come to the conclusion that people that can't even try to handle the chaos that goes with having children, they shouldn't have them. And they especially shouldn't foster friendships with people that have lots of kids and then decide after over a year of playdates and gabfests and movie nights that they can no longer handle said chaos. It is heartbreaking. And extremely insensitive.

It seems like if one joins a moms group that is supposed to offer support for life's challenges as a mom (especially while converting your parenting style from that which one was programmed, to one that will hopefully cause less damage to one's children), one would expect to be able to open up about said challenges, and receive support. Not so here. I am feeling more isolated than ever. I have reached out for help and been judged for it. I am losing friends because my life is too chaotic. More and more, as friendships drift away, I am seeing that having four children really limits the friendship possibilities for me. Those with one child are used to times of relative peace, and the ease of trying to raise and discipline only one child. They just don't know how easy they've got it. I had only one child once. And it was hard.

But now I look at those with only one and think about how misunderstood I am in their eyes. They just don't get that my house can't possibly be as clean as theirs are. That I don't have time for hobbies or me-time. That I am a mess and regretful of having had so many kids, or, sometimes, having had kids at all. But then I remember how much more of a mess I was before I was a mom, and that having Robby saved me from certain self-destruction.

The only true, good friends I have are those who I've known all along, that have watched my children come into this world and continued to love me in spite of my ever-changing lifestyle. I am an extroverted homebody. That means I like people to come over to visit. A lot. I am also a bit of a neat-freak -- something that has been forced into relative dormancy because of the nature of my family. Therefor, I attract like-minded (or so I thought) people to cultivate friendships with, and then they decide they can't stand to come to my house because it does not qualify for an interior decorating magazine photo shoot, ever. And I just can't make it my priority in life to make sure my house is clean enough for one-child mamas to approve of.

It all comes down to the fact that I am miserable on many levels and some drastic changes need to occur.

Overwhelmed By Housework

I'm sure any SAHM knows how it is. The laundry is piled up for miles and the dishes are gathering a colony of bugs in the sink. There are tiny toy pieces everywhere and random snack leftovers collecting in corners and under furniture. That is what my house looks like right now. Today is the second day of school being back in for the twins after being home for 2 weeks with them. First there was the stomach virus. A few days of fever and vomiting followed by about a week of diarrhea. All while hubby was out of town for 7 days. Then hubby comes home for his annual vacation (the twins' spring break). You'd think that we would have gotten a lot done with both of us home for a week. Not.

I was so exhausted after his week gone that I spent the good part of his vacation sleeping. Yes, I needed it, very very badly, but the house needed some serious TLC and it didn't get it. So now I am alone with 3 of my kids (Devin only goes to her preschool MWF) and facing what promises to be a lifetime of drudgery in chores.

Hubby neglected to unload the dishwasher last night so I have a sink full of dirty dishes and nowhere to put them. The fruit flies are having a picnic in my kitchen sink. I have serious issues with doing other people's chores so usually I just don't. I might end up unloading later, or trying to get Robby (7) to, but for the moment I'm focusing on the laundry. I have 2 hampers full of clothes that need washing (at least 4 loads) and one already in the washer. 3 baskets of clean ones that need folding and putting away. A load of diapers to fold. A ginormous box full of outgrown boy clothes that need to be sorted by size and stored in their respective bins in the garage. Brown paper bags full of outgrown girl and baby clothes that need to be sent to their respective recipients. And my pants are wet because the baby dumped my Coke out in the computer chair this morning and what was left after I attempted to clean it has wicked through the sham-wow I'm sitting on. And the keyboard is sticky because of a marshmallow egg incident earlier. Let's not forget about all the peepee and poopy undies and shorts and pants and skirts that litter every bathroom sink because my four-year-old daughter can't ever stop what she's doing to use the toilet.

Someone just shoot me now.

I know I need to take baby steps and focus on one small task at a time. I feel so utterly alone in this daunting task of running a household and taking care of 6 people. Sometimes my husband feels more like a 5th child. His ADD makes it virtually impossible to rely on him do follow through on a task without some kind of intervention. I love him dearly, and he works hard so I can stay home, but sometimes the little angel and demon on my shoulders make it very hard for me to feel like a good wife to him. On the one hand, he does work hard for me to stay home, and I know he'd go to the end of the Earth for me. On the other hand, I'm so stressed out from dealing with the day-to-day of everyone's unique needs that sometimes I just want to beat him over the head with my grandmother's cast-iron skillet. Maybe that'll knock some sense into him.

Truth is, I married a man that is so opposite from me in most every practical way. What drew us together was our history (knowing each other since the 6th grade), our passions for music and dancing, our religious philosophies, and, of course, the thought of losing him to Operation Iraqi Freedom. I am a meticulous, organized, borderline-OCD, type-A person stuck in this hell-hole of a situation living with 5 slobs. The baby has an excuse. The twins are 4, so they are still learning about personal responsibility. Robby has ADHD and could care less if we lived in a pig sty. He loves junk. He sees potential in every piece of garbage he sees. Hubby's ADD has him in his virtual reality by way of online community or fiction novel every chance he gets. He doesn't have any sense of routine or self-motivation when it comes to chores. He doesn't seem to see clutter and mess until it starts driving me up the wall.

My tolerance of mess has grown considerably, out of necessity of preserving my sanity, but that has turned out to be a bad thing. I forced blinders upon myself in order to not go completely insane, and all of a sudden my friends are performing an intervention regarding the condition of my house. Yikes.

So now I must end this vent so I can go attend to one of the 2,836,455,238 things on my to-do list. I do feel a little better now, but I still want to go curl up in my bed and sleep until someone else is finished de-cluttering and organizing my life.