Monday, April 24, 2006


Why is it that whenever I'm feeling sad or down or depressed or WHATEVER, I just HAVE to listen to sad and/or depressing music?? It just makes everything worse, but for some reason, I cope by wallowing in the depths of despair for a while. It helps me release my pain, and then I can carry on.

Courtney and Juniors' wedding was depressing. I DON'T cry in public, or even in front of my girlfriends, but I was BAWLING at this freakin wedding. So many damn problems occurred BEFORE the wedding (stained dress, thunderstorm, dead bouquets...LOTS of Xanax being passed out...), and everyone was just so releived to GET TO THE ALTAR. Everyone was crying. Me and the other 2 bridesmaids just stood there, tears dripping onto our silk dresses, no one having thought to bring tissues.

It was the single worst day since I've seen my husband (29 days now). Fuck the stomache flu, ear infections.... I had to sit and watch the most moving personal wedding vows EVER, and be there without my Heart. I'm sure when I get a copy of the video, I will see myself in the background, convoluting my face while trying my damnedest NOT to burst out into uncontrollable sobs. I choked and forced a pained smile. The reception was equally depressing, especially because this couple is THE couple that Drew and I are best friends with... we make a great foursome (NO sexual inuendo here). We are so alike as couples: MADLY in love, kinky, adventurous, etc., and so I sat and watched them be that way and all I could think about was how IT'S NOT FAIR that Drew can't be here!!! GODDAMNIT! Shitty, shitty, shitty! MOTHERFUCKER! There just aren't enough cuss words!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Anyway, I still haven't heard from Drew since the 14th. I know he checked his email last night, though. AH-HA! Drew, you better call me! If you can check your email, you can pick up a phone! Or at least send me an email!!! I love you and miss you and NEED to hear your voice, babe. I just don't work without you.

Oh, and by the way, I may be getting promoted to Key Volunteer COORDINATOR soon... yay, more work for me! But, let me tell you, I DO like the thought of being at the TOP of the phone tree! I get the info straight from the CO. woohoo!

Well, gotta go shower now. babies are sleeping and i stink!


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